“What do you want to do?”

A respected career coach asked me this question.  My answer, at the time was, “I’m not entirely sure.”

That’s not the truth, though.

Why didn’t I tell her what I want?  Why did I hold back?  How come I didn’t admit to what it is I want to do?

The answer is indicative of what it is I need to be working on.

However, I want to provide some context first.

This was at an all-staff meeting for my job.  A job I have worked at on and off for the past thirteen years now.  A job that I love, for the most part.  But it’s not the thing I most want to be doing with my life.

My bosses are aware of this.  But I have a unique skill set at this job which makes me a particularly desirable employee to have.  I am the tech guy, in multiple iterations of what a tech guy does.  I also manage the staff and open and close the store from time to time.

Anyhow, they have been working with this career coach for several years now.  I have a lot of respect for her.  So when she asked me what I want to do, I gave a non-committal answer.

Why?  Because of fear.  Fear of judgement.  Fear that I am crazy for wanting to do what it is I want to do.  Fear of disappointing myself, my loved ones and my friends.

There is a socially acceptable convention when it comes to employment.  You go to work.  You do your job.  You go home.  If you happen to be REALLY lucky, you actually like the job you do.  Otherwise you are doing that thing because you are an adult and you have bills to pay and responsibilities that require you hold a job.

Pathwalking came about in part because this model has never worked for me.  You spend anywhere from five to ten hours a day at your job.  When you are awake for sixteen or more hours a day, why should you spend half your waking hours doing something that leaves you unhappy?  That has never made sense to me.

Recently I have mentioned Jen Sincero’s You Are a Badass quite a lot.  One of the things she constantly presses home is that while we may be working on certain beliefs about life now, we still have old beliefs we’ve never properly addressed and laid to rest.

I think this has been one my larger issues.  I grew up believing that to be successful it was important to have an important job.  Doctor, lawyer, business professional and such.  If you are not doing one of these things you will NEVER make good money and you are not living up to your full potential.

Yes, I could have studied to be a doctor or a lawyer or some kind of business professional.  But that’s not me.  Those things don’t feel like anything that would bring me joy.  So, as such, not the paths I have chosen.

Any yet, admitting to someone who actually can help me on my path to what it is I want, when I had an opportunity to do so, I choked.  I feared my unconventional desire for my career was not something I could admit to.  I even agreed that maybe I would like to remain in this job I am in and take on a greater role than I have now with the business…but is that really what I want, or is that the safe answer?

Fear and old, outdated beliefs allow us to compromise where we shouldn’t.  I am afraid if I admit to what it is I really want to be doing with my life I will be committed to it.  And commitment and I have often had our quarrels.

I can always change my answer.  Pathwalking is not a singular path.  I state that rather a lot, because it’s true.  Pathwalking is not a singular path.

What’s the true answer, currently, to the question of “What do you want to do?”  I want to find a way to write more.  I want to promote my novels, but I also would like to move forward with doing more writing gigs for businesses.  More blogs, websites, brochures, procedurals and product descriptions.  I want to utilize my writing skills and use them to make money.

I love to write.  I write my works of fiction almost daily.  I blog twice a week, topics near and dear to my heart.  I have done SEO writing, research writing, business writing for a wide variety of businesses on multiple topics and for different purposes.  I can make money doing this, but I think it might be time for me to take a new approach to my professional life.

A need to stop fearing the truth.  I need to embrace it, make it my reality, and to get onto the damn path and walk it.

I often mention that no one can walk your path but you.  This is true.  But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t people whom you can turn to for advice and assistance to help you on your journey.  I have an opportunity before me, and I need to set aside my fears and take it.

Stay tuned.  And thank you for your continued support.

Are you doing what YOU want to do?  If not, what DO you want to do?

 

GOAL LOG – Week 24:

Diet: My extreme diet continues.  I ate well, avoiding bread and pasta and candy and other sugars.  My willpower continues to be tested, but I’m sticking to it.  Also – my clothes are fitting better.

Exercise: Fencing happened twice last week, and I made it to the gym once.  I did a LOT of walking, but I still need to do more exercise.

Writing:  Three days of at least some writing and editing happened.  I need to strive to make this a more daily practice.

Meditation:  Five days of meditation, at least 5 minutes each day.

Gratitude: I wrote out 5 or 6 things to be grateful for every day last week.

 

This is the two-hundred thirty-fourth entry in my series. These weekly posts are ideas and my personal experiences in walking along the path of life.  I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.

Thank you for joining me.  Feel free to re-blog and share.

The first year of Pathwalking, including some expanded ideas, is available here.

If you enjoy Pathwalking, you may also want to read my Five Easy Steps to Change the World for the Better.