Decision has not always been my strong suit.
I have been notorious for being indecisive. Well, maybe occasionally I fail to make decisions. Or, maybe I agonize over decisions, and consequently choose not to choose anything, or…
So there’s that. Lately, though, I have been working on doing better with making choices and deciding things for my life.
For example, with the move we are making, many things have been discarded. Do I need this? If the answer has been no, then away it goes. Once the move is complete, when I begin to go through boxes that have previously lived in storage, I will most certainly toss out more things.
I have been something of a pack rat most of my life. However, as I have come to value more esoteric and intangible things, I find much of the stuff I have doesn’t need to remain with me. So, look at that, I discard what I don’t need.
This has been a part of my decision issues, I also recognize. How? By keeping stuff that no longer serves me, I am not deciding to let go of it. Stuff accumulates, and before I know it I have all this crap I no longer need.
In working on crossing the bridges between my worlds, one decision that was really important to me was using my name on all the different forms of writing I do. Fiction or non-fiction, Steampunk or Fantasy, blog or other copy, I use MJ Blehart. For a while I was having a very hard time with bridging the gaps between the worlds I perceive for myself. I needed to decide if I should create multiple personae, or bridge the gaps with just the one name.
Decision is seldom set in stone.
Because I have often feared the outcome of a given decision, I have chosen not to decide, or to delay a decision, or to otherwise hedge my bets. However, they would regularly bring me to a crossroads on the paths I was walking, Pathwalking or no, and something would have to give.
My indecision, over the years, has cost me opportunities, jobs, relationships, even friends. Mind you, I am not saying that with rancor or regret, just a statement of fact. Everything that happens along the way is a growth opportunity. My indecision, as much as my decisions, are how I have come to this place in my life. Overall, even while seeking improvements, I am happy to be in this place with my life.
One of the reasons behind all my indecision has been fear of change. As I wrote both in Positivity and Pathwalking this week, change is inevitable. Everything changes, and that is the most constant constant in the universe. Nothing is truly stable or stagnant, change is a given.
Changes can be pretty scary. I think it’s the human nesting instinct that causes us to be so resistant to change. We want to curl up in our comfortable nests, and watch the world go by. At least for a while. But then, oh, this is kind of boring…and we change our way.
Another important thing about decision and change is that very little of what I decide is permanent. Jobs can be changed, new opportunities can be sought, there are always new people to meet and things to learn. Just because I decide a certain way today, it does not mean I am trapped in that way forever. Or very long at all, really.
It has taken me a long time to learn this lesson.
Decision is empowering.
Pathwalking is about choosing a destiny for myself. I see the world I want to live in, see what I want for myself, so I choose a path that I believe will get me where I want to go. There are good days and bad days. Sometimes it feels like no matter what I choose, my decision could be wrong. But because I have made a choice, and I have decided, I have empowered myself.
To decide is to define choice. I am doing this. When I choose in this manner, I am empowering myself, because I am the one living my life. Nobody else can choose what is best for me, so when I have gone ahead and chosen, I can get to wherever I want to go.
It’s important for me to remember the power of this. When I am having moments of indecision, I need to better take action, and decide instead of not.
One of the reasons I created Crossing the Bridges was in order to make a specific decision. As mentioned before, I wanted all of my writing under my single name. I still struggle with this at times, but I believe that I made the right choices.
Decision can change the world. I am working to decide on a more regular basis, and choose the life I most desire to lead. As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.
GOAL LOG – Week 47:
The goal log was not at all maintained. Re-evaluating this still.
This is the sixty-second entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series. My collectively published writing can be found here.
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