I speak less highly of myself than anyone else. I am my own worst critic.
Always have been. Know how that feels? You always manage to find something to be critical about? The one person you criticize the most, whom you give the absolute least amount of slack to being you?
I know that this does me no good. If my plans are not completed or I get distracted or I fail to do as planned, I can count on myself to be completely harsh. In my head I will berate myself, belittle myself, get mad at myself for any and all failings, mistakes, missteps, and so forth.
The self talk that comes of this is hugely demoralizing. You’re a big fat failure, which is why you stay fat and out-of-shape; you allow distractions to get in the way of writing and editing, that’s why you’re never going to be a best seller; you will always get that red light at that same intersection, because the Universe enjoys messing with you; you have never established a proper career, that’s why you deserve half-successes at best.
These messages break down at their core to inform me thusly: Failure. You will never succeed. You will always be a victim of circumstance. You are undeserving.
This is why it is massively, hugely, unbelievably important that I be more conscious of my self-talk habits. When I do not reign in my thoughts about myself, and I just let them take flight of their own accord, it’s astoundingly easy to be down on myself, and that will only lower my vibrational frequency, and, this should come as no surprise, not allow me to manifest what I am seeking.
This harkens back to my Pathwalking this week, and discussing dealing with the squirrels in my brain. Often, my personal squirrels chasing each other about are negative notions about who I am, criticizing, berating, demoralizing and otherwise providing me poor report of myself. They make me feel negative, which lowers my vibrational energy, and thus takes me further away from the things I want to manifest.
The power of the words “I AM” is so, so much bigger than we realize. I AM is a definitive statement, and what follows it describes us in detail. The Universe hears I AM loudly and clearly. As such, when I believe that I AM FAT or I AM A FAILURE or I AM UNDERSERVING or I AM UNLOVED or any other negative statement, the Universe hears, and will give me exactly that which I don’t want.
It is not lying to tell yourself that you are thin when you are not. Of course, if you don’t believe it when you state it, you have no emotional energy available to generate anything. You have to make statements you can get behind. I AM GETTING INTO SHAPE and I AM SUCCEEDING and I AM DESERVING and I AM LOVED AND LOVING will raise your vibration, and they are statements you can get behind because they are active statements.
I make plans. I take actions, but not always enough actions. Frequently, when I do not accomplish what I have set out to, I will be the first (and frequently the only one, frankly) to tear me down. This keeps me feeling low, causes me to question everything I am doing, and before I know it I am fighting the same battle over and over and over.
How do I stop being so critical of myself? This is the question I have been asking for a long time now. I believe that the answer to this question is how I learn to more frequently manifest what I desire for my life, and will make me happier.
I need to take an action. This is the only way to develop anything meaningful. Actions. Forward motion.
I AM needs to be followed by something positive. When I find myself feeling low, feeling depressed, feeling unworthy, I have to talk to myself. I need to make statements such as I am extraordinary. I am awesome. I am deserving. I am worthwhile.
Some days it is easier than others for me to recognize this about myself. One of the most difficult things for me to do is to think more highly of myself, to really, truly love myself, and to recognize my own worth. This is not about conceit, this is about recognizing that I deserve every success, and that I am worthy of the abundance of the Universe.
This has been a lifelong struggle for me…but because I deserve to be happy, I will continue. We all have bad days, we certainly get bombarded by massive negativity from the world without – but that in no way lessens the true abundance of the Universe. There is more than enough good for us all, we just have to work to find it.
I am deserving of all the good I desire. So are you. As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!
GOAL LOG – Week 14:
Diet: I have continued the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.
Exercise: I fenced Tuesday and Thursday, took a good 20+ minute walk Monday.
Writing: The three blog posts were done.
Meditation: Only one day last week, for about 6 minutes.
Gratitude: I have expressed gratitude for 5 things six of seven days last week.
This is the twenty-eighth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series. My collectively published writing can be found here.