The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Category: Crossing the Bridges (Page 2 of 4)

Crossing the Bridges: Taking Steps

Crossing the bridges is only possible when you start taking steps.

I intend to become a best-selling author.  While I write several different things in different genres, one of the intents of this particular blog is determining better ways to traverse bridges between these writing styles.

However, in many respects, the first bridge I need to cross is between the life I currently have to the life that I actually want to have.

I have written it before, and I will surely write it again (and again and again): Consciousness Creates Reality.  I need to be fully and completely aware of my present reality.  From here, I need to THINK about what it is I desire from my life.  Then I need to FEEL what it will feel like to have that particular desire.  Once I have thought of it, and felt it, I have to take ACTION to set the ball rolling.

The first step is not the action.  The first step is the thought.  And it needs to be more than just a random, half-formed thought…it needs to be a fully realized idea.

I think this is where I manage to get hung-up.  I have this concept, this half-baked notion in my head, or the start of what I think could be a really cool something, but then rather than clarify and congeal and allow the thought to take on its full, complete and ultimate form I jump ahead.

I wonder if I do ‘x’ if it will get me to ‘y’?  If I do this, then add this, then do this I will get the result!  Maybe in addition to this idea I need to work out how that will work…and so on, and so on.  I jump multiple steps ahead, try and work out multiple results and alternatives and hows and whys and only sort-of step forward.

The thought needs to be whole and complete.  I want to be a best-selling author.  One, simple, complete and whole thought, right there.  The trouble I often engage in is over-thinking it.  But in order to become a best-selling author I will need to do this.  But to do this, I might need to do that?  What if I do the other thing here instead…see the circular logic problem here?

We humans have a maddening tendency to over-complicate EVERYTHING.  We reject the simple in favor of the massively-analyzed, and apply that to just about anything you can think of.  Yes, this has allowed us to unravel the mysteries of the cosmos, to unlock amazing scientific secrets and create some fantastic things.  Yet at the same time, we have come to tune-out the instinctual, to disregard the signs and signals the rest of the animal kingdom relies on, and to require massive study and then proof of concept to achieve most things.

Consciousness creating reality is a simple matter.  One of the reasons we often do not use it is because we have come to accept that simple is not only simple, but also foolish.  Yet simplicity and a lack of intellect are not necessarily one-in-the-same.  Simple in this context is a synonym for uncomplicated or straightforward, not for uninformed or idiotic.

The Universe is abundant.  Don’t believe it?  Despite anything you perceive yourself lacking at this moment, consider what it takes for you to BE.  The incredible number of components, tangible or intangible, that were brought together to make you into you.  Only in an abundant universe could that be accomplished.

The simple thought of I want to be a best-selling author is enough.  I need to hold onto that thought, let it really take root in my consciousness; let it percolate all on its own.

It is upon this one thought, and this one thought alone I need to create feeling.  How does this, the thought of being a best-selling author, make me feel?  What will I feel when I am seeing the amazing number of books I have sold and the number of people I have reached?  How will it feel to know I am making my living from this?  How will it feel to partake of the ancillary aspects of being a best-selling author, like going to Cons and such?  I need to really FEEL these things, and more than that…visualize them.  I need to make them feel as real and solid as I possibly can.

I often get so caught up in trying to work out how, I never get clearly from the basic idea to the next step.  I need to feel this out, but when I get all caught up in thought I frequently am unable to feel the feeling.  Knowing this, I have a new template to work from.

First step is pure, simple thought.  In my case, it’s I want to be a best-selling author.  Next step, feel the feelings of my accomplishment.  The next step after that will be action…and from the uncomplicated thought to the deep, visualized feelings I should be able to identify an inspired, intentional action to take.  That of course would be the next step in the process.  But I need to remember that the solid thought is, in fact, the real FIRST step.

Crossing the bridges is only possible when you start taking steps.  Yet the steps need to be with purpose and intent to accomplish a given goal.  The question is, will I now put this notion to good use to get where I want to be?

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 15:

Diet:  I have continued the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday, took a good 20+ minute Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done.

Meditation:  Three days last week, for no less than 4 minutes.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things every day last week.

 

This is the twenty-ninth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Self Talk – What follows I AM

I speak less highly of myself than anyone else.  I am my own worst critic.

Always have been.  Know how that feels?  You always manage to find something to be critical about?  The one person you criticize the most, whom you give the absolute least amount of slack to being you?

I know that this does me no good.  If my plans are not completed or I get distracted or I fail to do as planned, I can count on myself to be completely harsh.  In my head I will berate myself, belittle myself, get mad at myself for any and all failings, mistakes, missteps, and so forth.

The self talk that comes of this is hugely demoralizing.  You’re a big fat failure, which is why you stay fat and out-of-shape; you allow distractions to get in the way of writing and editing, that’s why you’re never going to be a best seller; you will always get that red light at that same intersection, because the Universe enjoys messing with you; you have never established a proper career, that’s why you deserve half-successes at best.

These messages break down at their core to inform me thusly:  Failure.   You will never succeed.  You will always be a victim of circumstance.  You are undeserving.

This is why it is massively, hugely, unbelievably important that I be more conscious of my self-talk habits.  When I do not reign in my thoughts about myself, and I just let them  take flight of their own accord, it’s astoundingly easy to be down on myself, and that will only lower my vibrational frequency, and, this should come as no surprise, not allow me to manifest what I am seeking.

This harkens back to my Pathwalking this week, and discussing dealing with the squirrels in my brain.  Often, my personal squirrels chasing each other about are negative notions about who I am, criticizing, berating, demoralizing and otherwise providing me poor report of myself.  They make me feel negative, which lowers my vibrational energy, and thus takes me further away from the things I want to manifest.

The power of the words “I AM” is so, so much bigger than we realize.  I AM is a definitive statement, and what follows it describes us in detail.  The Universe hears I AM loudly and clearly.  As such, when I believe that I AM FAT or I AM A FAILURE or I AM UNDERSERVING or I AM UNLOVED or any other negative statement, the Universe hears, and will give me exactly that which I don’t want.

It is not lying to tell yourself that you are thin when you are not.  Of course, if you don’t believe it when you state it, you have no emotional energy available to generate anything.  You have to make statements you can get behind.  I AM GETTING INTO SHAPE and I AM SUCCEEDING and I AM DESERVING and I AM LOVED AND LOVING will raise your vibration, and they are statements you can get behind because they are active statements.

I make plans.  I take actions, but not always enough actions.  Frequently, when I do not accomplish what I have set out to, I will be the first (and frequently the only one, frankly) to tear me down.  This keeps me feeling low, causes me to question everything I am doing, and before I know it I am fighting the same battle over and over and over.

How do I stop being so critical of myself?  This is the question I have been asking for a long time now.  I believe that the answer to this question is how I learn to more frequently manifest what I desire for my life, and will make me happier.

I need to take an action.  This is the only way to develop anything meaningful.  Actions.  Forward motion.

I AM needs to be followed by something positive.  When I find myself feeling low, feeling depressed, feeling unworthy, I have to talk to myself.  I need to make statements such as I am extraordinary.  I am awesome.  I am deserving.  I am worthwhile.

Some days it is easier than others for me to recognize this about myself.  One of the most difficult things for me to do is to think more highly of myself, to really, truly love myself, and to recognize my own worth.  This is not about conceit, this is about recognizing that I deserve every success, and that I am worthy of the abundance of the Universe.

This has been a lifelong struggle for me…but because I deserve to be happy, I will continue.  We all have bad days, we certainly get bombarded by massive negativity from the world without – but that in no way lessens the true abundance of the Universe.  There is more than enough good for us all, we just have to work to find it.

I am deserving of all the good I desire.  So are you.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 14:

Diet:  I have continued the lower carb, lower sugar diet overall.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday and Thursday, took a good 20+ minute walk Monday.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done.

Meditation:  Only one day last week, for about 6 minutes.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things six of seven days last week.

 

This is the twenty-eighth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Taking Action

Time to take action.

I have been a bit stuck in regards to promoting my writing.  I blog thrice a week, sure, and Seeker, Finder and Clouds of Authority are all available on Amazon.  But I have haven’t done much to promote any of these recently, and generate more sales.

Writing the story is one thing.  Editing it is another.  Formatting and publishing it is not the last step, by any stretch of the imagination.  At least, not when you are self-publishing.  In some respects, this is where the hard work truly begins.

I have, upon publication of any of my novels or other works, promoted them via my social media networks.  I spread it across G+, Facebook, and Twitter.  I asked everyone to buy a copy, electronic or physical, then to share with THEIR friends to buy a copy, and so on and so forth.  I asked for reviews, because those help Amazon product placement.

I have considered what options are available to me for marketing, and in the past the only ones I looked to were those that were free.  Meanwhile, Seeker has consistently been ranked between 150,000th and 600,000th in the Paid in Kindle Store, and below 2000th in Books > Teens > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy > Sword & Sorcery (and also adding Teen & Young Adult among Kindle Books).

The numbers don’t suck, I am deeply grateful for the sales and exposure I have managed to attain thus far.  However…it is my ultimate goal to become a Best Seller.  No punches pulled, no superlatives, THIS is what I want to make of my life.  I want to be a Best Selling Author.

Writing that out, FYI, is VERY freeing.

Well, the only way to become a best seller is to…wait for it…sell more copies!  So, since this is my intent, and this is my greatest desire, it is time to take some action.

The month of April begins tomorrow.  With this new month, I am going to be taking actions to promote, specifically, Seeker.

Why Seeker?  Because it has already got several favorable reviews; it is approachable to a wide reading audience, covering both Fantasy and Young Adult; it has the best chance currently of generating post-sales income, as Finder is its sequel, and also available for sale, and I am working on editing Harbinger, the 3rd book of The Source Chronicles, for publication.

Yes, I have been working on writing a sci-fi space opera for a while now, and I have only just begun to edit Harbinger; it has been years since I last put any work into Guardians.  Still, this is my strongest work, the deepest series I have created, and I believe this is where my fictional writing career has its best place to launch from.

How am I going to promote Seeker in April?  There will be a combination of actions happening.  I will be sending out messages across social media, of course.  I will quite possibly be offering Seeker for a special sale price at some point.  I am going to research other avenues, and see if there is anything I missed before in my previous marketing attempts.

I am also working to have Seeker available at a local store or two, and perhaps offer a signing and reading.  I am looking to any angle I can think of to get my name and my work out to a broader audience, in order to accomplish my end goal.

Consciousness Creates Reality.  Thought: I want to be a best-selling author.  Feeling: Seeing people enjoying my books and wanting more, and giving them a cool world to escape to feels amazing.  I feel so fulfilled, so excited about this reality, I can hardly contain my glee.  Action: Whatever I can think of that might increase my sales, whatever promotional ideas I can come up with to reach this goal, all throughout the month of April.

I am not entirely certain how much work this will take, but the important thing is that this is exciting to me.  I am not dreading this action, I am psyched to have the opportunity to take it.  This feels good, this feels right, this feels…inspired.  Intentional, inspired action is the key to conscious reality creation, so I believe that this is going to be a step forward towards achieving the goal I’ve set.

On that note  – have you acquired a copy of Seeker?  If so, did you review it on Amazon?  Did you like it?  Because, hey, if you enjoyed Seeker, did you also read the next book in the series, Finder?  Yup, I’m peddling my wares here – but I also think that you will find them as much fun to read as I found them to write.

Here we go.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 13:

Diet:  I have continued working on the new, low-carb high-protein plan.  I think it is going well.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday and Thursday, hit the gym Wednesday.

Meditation:  Five days last week, never less than 4 minutes.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 7 things a day in a row.

 

This is the twenty-seventh entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Best Laid Plans…

Do you beat yourself up when you fail to follow-through on something?

Do you spend time berating yourself, getting upset over mistakes and failures to launch?  Do you start to feel bad, to spiral negatively when you had all the right intentions but then don’t complete your plan?

Most people do.  I know I do.  I get annoyed with myself, and start to feel bad when I make a plan and then I don’t move on it.

Last week I had an excellent vacation.  I was away from my life, and got to know some folks better whom I’d known only peripherally, and made some new friends, too.

I also fully intended to use last week’s vacation as a rallying point to start some new habits this week.  Yup, I was going to live large, to move forward on a number of ideas and plans I had, and to really shift some habits in my life.

Reality met my plans.  It began honestly enough – I did not get home until almost 5am Monday morning, following nearly 20 hours on the road.  I was productive Monday night, and got some sleep.  Tuesday morning, I was still wiped.  But, hey, fencing on Tuesday night…which I attended.  Wednesday morning…still sleepy, my motivation was pretty much non-existent.  Thursday morning I was distracted by my cat, the one who rarely comes out of hiding, and failed to get out the door in time.  This morning…overslept, and failed to get out the door once more.

So much for my morning trips to the gym.  This week is now done.

I could get really annoyed with myself over this.  I have no real excuses, I could have acted on this, I simply chose not to.  Failure to launch, lack of motiviation…doesn’t matter what I call it, the point is that I got as far as planning, again, but did no actions.

Except, I DID take several new actions this week.  I have not played my usual Facebook games in the am, and have actually gotten stuff done, like paying bills.  I have turned off the TV when the wife goes to bed, and made attempts at, if I didn’t succeed at, working on writing, editing and SCA stuff.  I started a new dietary regime, and have been really good about it.  I have been getting decent sleep.  I have successfully meditated now for 4 days in a row.  I have been more keenly aware of what I am thinking and feeling, asking and answering questions of myself daily.

Partial success on new habits.  Is this exactly all I had planned to do for myself?  No.  But rather than get mad at myself and get upset about what I have not done, I am instead going to look at what I HAVE accomplished.

Society is obsessed with looking at failure.  Everywhere we turn all we see is failing this and unsuccessful that and such.  The American government is so obsessed with things that are supposedly failing that they want to institute “fixes” that will likely be far worse than what they see as wrong.

The constant bombardment with messages of failure is disheartening, distressing, upsetting, and downright uncomfortable.  Everywhere we turn the message is more and more negative, so much so that when we DO see something about success we comment immediately about the nice change of scenery.

If I choose to focus on what I have failed to do, there is a much higher chance that I will continue to fail at it.  That’s how the Law of Attraction works.  Consciousness Creates Reality, so if I give my focus to what I DO NOT WANT, it’s pretty probable that that is what I will manifest.

If, like me, you tend to beat yourself up when you fail, this can be particularly challenging.  This takes a great deal of conscious, focused thought to change your tone, change your normal reactions.  But I firmly believe that this is a worthwhile act, so I am going to work with that, and do my best to create better.

I do not know anybody who gets every plan right every time.  We all make mistakes, but mistakes should be learning opportunities.  Nobody is perfect.

Last but not least…just because I didn’t follow-through this week, that doesn’t mean I am giving this plan up.  I will continue, every day, to struggle to make this happen, and to have the life I want to be the person I most want to be.  Change takes effort, and I will continue to expend the necessary effort to be whom I want to be.

Can only be here and now, and go forward.  So…onwards and forwards.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 12:

Diet:  I have been working on a new, low-carb high-protein plan.  Not a diet – a lifestyle shift.

Exercise:  I fenced Tuesday.  I did a ton of walking Wednesday, so that should count.

Meditation:  Four days in a row, never less than 5 minutes.

Gratitude:  I have expressed gratitude for 5 things a day, four days in a row.

 

This is the twenty-sixth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Planning into Action

Planning is all well-and-good.  It’s the actions that I find frequently challenging.

The purpose of this particular blog is to share personal accountability as I do the things I do to live the life I most desire to live.  Positivity is specifically sharing positive things to combat negativity while Pathwalking is more specifically about the mechanics of my conscious reality creation process.  Crossing the Bridges is my personal journey, and the challenges as I take it.

I have written about challenges in the process of crossing the bridges, figuratively getting stuck, literally self-sabotaging and such.  One of the other challenges I face with this is taking the inspired actions in order to complete the manifestation process.

I have written before about my great skill in planning.  I can make plans ‘til the cows come home.  Yet when it comes to acting on plans, I frequently find myself coming up short, and then getting distressed because of that.

Conscious Reality Creation involves thought, feeling and action.  For the longest time I was really, really good at the thought process.  This is where the planning comes in.  I thought my way through what I wanted, plotted things out…and then stopped.  Some of this was the self-sabotage, and some was my past inability to FEEL what I needed to feel for manifestation.  To this day, feeling is still a challenge, but I am beginning to see that with difficulty in feeling, I am also having difficulty in acting.

I have currently placed several plans on the table, some more than once.  For example, I have been keeping my Goal Log for more than a year in an effort to be better accountable for what I am eating, exercise, meditation and gratitude.   I specifically set goals with the use of that log – daily gratitude, daily meditation, and either fencing or a trek to the gym 3-5 days a week.

It was a great plan.  The execution of the plan?  There has been some movement on this, but it has still been less than intended, and so the desired goal has not been achieved.

What do I want from these things?  Tracking my diet makes me accountable to myself for what I am putting in my body.  In theory, this should have me examining what I am eating for trends and habits, so that I might make changes to improve my health.  In practice?  I write down what I consume, but don’t make use of my own tool I have created.

Meditation?  I intend to meditate daily.  Why?  To improve my mental health.  For a while I was a champion at this…and then it just sort of fell to the wayside.  Maybe once a week I practice.

Exercise?  I am fencing at my usual practice once a week at least.  Other than that, I might get to the gym once or twice.  The grand and glorious plan to get up in the morning, change my habits and go workout?   So far, that’s not happened.  Why?  Partially laziness, partially a long list of excuses, and in part because while I want to improve my health, I am loathe to change my wake-up routine and pursue this action.  I believe this may also be a form of self-sabotage.

Gratitude?  I have probably done best writing out at least 5 things I am grateful for most days of the week.  Yet they might get written out, but I do not necessarily take sufficient time to FEEL them, and to really EXPRESS my gratitude.  I half-ass the process, paying it lip-service, but not really applying it as I should be.

It is important that I state here that this is not about pity, self-deprecation, self-loathing or any such negativity.  This is simply an honest look at how I have made plans without adequate follow-through.  This is not about getting mad at myself for perceived failure, this is about an analysis of what I have already done, and consideration of what I need to do to improve upon it.

How do I follow-up my plans with more actions?  That’s the challenge I am facing right now.  I am, as you are reading this, on vacation.  I am away from my usual routines in many different ways while on this trip, and because there is a lack of familiarity in many aspects of this, I am living very much in the now.   I am hoping I can use the energy of that in-the-nowness of this to reset my mindset, and restart.

Because I can’t fully plan for this trip I am on, I will be totally living in the moment.  There will be almost no time to build a routine, so this can serve as a perfect conduit to step outside of my regular activities, and create some new habits afterwards.

I have been writing for some time about needing to change my habits.  Taking a week away from my usual routines is the perfect opportunity to break from them, and when I return home start something new, rather than fall back into the old habits.

When I am back to my regular activities, will I be able to use this reset to create new habits?  That is the plan…now I need to give it the actions.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 11:

This week’s log has not been maintained due to vacation.

 

This is the twenty-fifth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Overcoming the art of Self Sabotage

Crossing the Bridges can be difficult if you insist on burning them down before you reach the other side.

I have always been a fan of the phrase, “I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it.”  I know the word should be cross, but I think I’m a pretty funny guy, so I use burn instead.

The problem is, I DO have a tendency to burn the bridges, often while I am right in the middle of the span.

This is the subtle, and sometimes less-than-subtle, art of self-sabotage.  I am, unfortunately, something of a master of this art.

What IS self-sabotage?  This is the ability to destroy something without anyone else’s help at all.  I have managed in my life to apply this art to numerous relationships, jobs, opportunities and experiences.

Rather than let things progress as they are, or work to take them where I truly desire for them to be, I have an incredible talent for taking the train off the rails, and only getting part-way to my intended goals.

Why?  Fear, of course.  The single biggest fear I have faced in my life has been my fear of unacceptance, of rejection as a person of worth by those I care about, or worse, those I feel the need to know care about me.  From this fear comes a fear of failure, which might cause people to cease to care about me, and it’s equal and opposite, fear of success.

Yes, I am completely aware that these fears are irrational.  I have written about this numerous times.  Yet even with that knowledge, it is still sometimes a challenge to not let myself be overcome by fear, which is part of my work in being more in the present rather than the past or future.

Many times in my life, rather than fail or succeed, I self-sabotaged.  I have applied this to many, many relationships over the years, as well as several job opportunities.  It’s not that I put in no effort at all, I just put in enough effort to maintain things, or advance them at a completely neutral pace.

Once I learned to identify this behavior, and the habits associated with it, I have done a much better job of staying the course, and not self-sabotaging.  This is still very much a work in progress, but I can point to several times where I have reached the intended end goal.

For example, I finally saw a relationship past just going on dates and sex and overnight stays to living together, engagement, and even a successful marriage.  I decided, rather than wait for an agent to realize how excellent a writer I am, to self-publish my work, and continue writing and having edited more of it.  I started with blogging once a week on a regular schedule, to twice and now thrice weekly.

Even with these achievements, I still do a great job of getting in my own way.  For example, I wrote near the beginning of these posts I would start to get up in the morning and go to the gym before work.  More often than not, I find or create excuses not to go, and so I am still dealing with weight issues and get frustrated by my inability to get into better shape.  I expressed my desire to work more on writing and editing at night after work, yet I am constantly allowing the internet and TV to distract me.

These are, as mentioned last week, in part the result of bad habits.  These poor habits, I am beginning to recognize, harken back to my talent for self-sabotage.  Recognizing this, I have my work cut out for me.

What am I getting at?  I can see now that I need to give more of my attention to my excuses and bad habits, and put some real effort into restructuring them into good habits.  I did not realize before that they were a part of my fears, but now that I can see them for that, I can see that I can change them as a part of overcoming my fears overall.

Fear is a terrible tool.  It gets used against us so frequently by people outside of ourselves, it should be no surprise for me to see that I turn around and allow myself to use it against myself.  I may be my own worst enemy sometimes, but conversely I am able to be my best friend.  I can work with that.

Next week will serve as a reset for me.  I am taking a trip, and it is to a large degree a trip into the unknown.  I am travelling somewhere new to me, with a friend whom I’ve never taken such a long trek with.  I am going to be stepping outside of my comfort zone in ways I have not done in many years, but while for a time I was feeling fearful and uncertain of this choice, I have become excited for the adventure forthcoming.

After I return from my trip, I have an opportunity, rather than falling into my regular habits, to really strive to begin new ones.  I have a chance to face my tendency to self-sabotage head-on, and to truly work to cross all these bridges between where I am now and the life I most desire to have.

Will I use this opportunity to my advantage, or continue to allow my bad habits to dominate?  That is the question before me.  I alone can answer it.

Thanks for continuing to read my ramblings.  You may not know it, but I thoroughly appreciate having you out there, reading along.   As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 10:

Diet:  I am still being mindful about what and how much I am eating.

Exercise: One day of fencing, one day going up and down a LOT of stairs.

Writing:  The three blogs got written.

Meditation:  None.

Gratitude: I wrote out 5 things two days last week.

 

This is the twenty-fourth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Getting to the Other Side

I can see across the bridge.  So how come it feels like I will never get to the other side?

Look familiar?  I don’t know anyone who has not dealt with this sort of thing.  You know where you want to go, you’ve a pretty good idea how to get there, you are on your way…yet it seems like you will never manage to arrive.

The metaphor of Crossing the Bridges can feel very literal at times.  I am where I am now, I was there yesterday, and I see where I want and need to be tomorrow.  Equally as real is the frustration over the perception of the inability to arrive where you intend to.

Knowing all of this, what can I do to help myself reach the other side of the bridge?  The short answer is to start feeling how it will feel to arrive.

This is, of course, frequently easier said than done.  I find that as much as I know how this works, and I am clear on the mechanics of it, I nevertheless struggle to see the world I consider ahead of me in the now.

It is for this reason that I get stuck, and from there get frustrated about my life.  I have a plan, I have a vision and bridges to cross and goals, and yet I never manage to reach them.  Why?  Because I always see them ahead of me, forthcoming, eventual…and not in the here and now, already accomplished and won.

I keep returning to this point because I still do not fully grasp it.  I know from experience how this works, I know that this can be used to manifest much awesomeness, and yet I still find myself struggling to shift my mindset and to think about and feel what I want to achieve as though it is done.

A lot of this is focus related.  I am aware that I suffer from an acute case of what I call ADOS – Attention Deficit Ooooooooooooo, Shiny! Syndrome.  I see something, I give it some attention…and then almost without knowing it my focus scatters, and I am looking at something else.

Some of this is the result of poor habits.  I allow myself to get overwhelmed, rather than chunk down activities so that they get done in smaller blocks and spurts, and instead get distracted.  I watch TV, I goof off online, I just let my mind wander to…whatever.  Instead of using the time I have more effectively, I fritter much of it away on pointless endeavors.

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That’s not to say there is entirely no value in distractions.  Life is too ridiculous to be constantly taken seriously.  We need breaks, we need distractions, we need to allow ourselves to relax and get chill.  Of course, what’s more complex is when one distraction leads to another, and the distraction gets all my attention and focus.

Right now, Politics is a pretty massive distraction for me.  I am deeply distressed by a great deal of what is happening here in the USA, not to mention other issues around the world.  I strive to do my part to effect change, but it is far too easy to let the situation get control of my time, attention and energy.  This, in turn, does nothing positive to my mindset, making me angry, frustrated, and otherwise discontent that I can only do so much to alter things.

Major distraction.  This, along the way, keeps my focus and attention away from what I want to work on.  It’s hard to manifest the life I desire when I am frequently giving my attention to things I really DON’T want.

What this tells me is that I need to make some fundamental changes to my habits.  I have been attempting to do this for a while now, but not with enough intention and actions.

This brings up probably the worst habit I have.  Often, rather than really put in the work I know I need to do, I will half-ass it.  My ambition only goes so far, before it peters out, and I continue to give it effort, but not all that I should.  I got through most of my education this way, to be perfectly honest.  Just a small amount more energy and effort and I could have had a far more impressive GPA.  I do not fully apply myself, and while my work may be good, it could still be much better.

This is, in part, a matter of self-sabotage.  Due to my twin fears of both success and failure, I subconsciously step back when I should step-up, because I am afraid that if I give it my all and succeed or fail I will somehow suffer.  If I do merely a sufficient effort, there is less pressure to succeed or fail, which is another factor in what holds me back from manifesting my goals.

I have to give this my all.  I need to strive to put more energy into my goals, and not to let myself get distracted or self-sabotage.  I have habits in need of changing, and I know what they are and where to begin.  I will strive to better chunk-down my time, so that I give the work I want to do more focus, and I will take a closer look at my bad habits, and work on replacing them with better ones.

This will be another interesting challenge.  Thanks for reading along.  I will keep you abreast of my progress.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 9:

Diet:  I am being more mindful about what and how much I am eating.

Exercise: Two days of fencing, one at the gym.

Writing:  The three blogs got written, but I got started on editing Harbinger over 2 days.

Meditation:  I meditated 1 days last week for about 8 minutes.

Gratitude: I wrote out 5 things four days last week.

 

This is the twenty-third entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Lessons Learned

Virtually everything in life can be a learning opportunity.

Frequently we do not realize it at the time…but once in a while you get a rare glimpse at the process, and get to be fully and completely aware as it occurs.

I have been coping with a situation for a bit more than a week now, which I am going to share with you.  I am deeply grateful for the job I have currently, but while I appreciate having it, it is not always the best fit for me.  So, as such, I look through various job boards from time to time to see if I can find something better.

During one search last week, I came across a surprising job.  MY job.  Like, actually, factually MY job.  This is not something you want to see, in especial when you are pretty certain that, overall, you’ve been doing a good job.

I immediately fretted about this.  I mean, c’mon, it’s hard NOT to jump to conclusions.  But then I reanalyzed it, and thought, ok, maybe this means they are going to promote me or shift my duties, or they are going to take this other hire or myself to the satellite office we’re supposedly opening shortly.

Still, I became paranoid at work.  Every whisper, every subtle and strange occurrence set me on edge.  I alternated much of the past few days between upset, scared, angry, uncertain, confused, and outright discombobulated.

Then it hit me.  This is just a test.  I applied the idea Jen Sincero shares in You Are a Badass of taking a “this is good because” view.  Upon shifting my attitude to that ideal, I started to feel far, far better.  More confident, in fact, than I have in quite some time.

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My immediate supervisor made noises about getting calls about that job listing, claiming to me that it was a mistake, and to redirect further calls to her.  Even heard her take one such call and explain it was a mistake, and no job was available.

Yet my wife pointed out that the job listing is STILL there.  Mistake…or is someone playing a truly weird game of telephone at my office?  Either is entirely possible…but the important thing is that I DO NOT CARE.

It does not matter to me if I walk in Monday and they take me aside and fire me…or if my job goes on, same as today, same as every day.  This is good because either I am supposed to move on and find something better or do something I WANT to do…or this is good because I continue to collect my paycheck and rebuild my confidence.

That’s the thing about all of this.  For a long time I lost a good deal of my confidence in myself, in my goals, in crossing those bridges and doing what I want with this life.  This job, though imperfect, is a good job.  I am grateful to have it, grateful for the pay and benefits, grateful that it has allowed me the opportunity to see that I can have a more abundant life.

I am finally coming to grips with what it is I really, truly want from my life.  I am finally beginning to truly visualize that life, to gain clarity about what I want it to be.  I am finally seeing that life not as something coming up or something down the line, but now.  This is the life I can have here and now – I just have to give it the right focused thought, the positive feeling, and take any intentional actions I can along the way.

The lesson I have learned from all of this is to not let past matters even enter into my present, and not to get so focused on possible but unknown outcomes for the future.  Here and now I have endless possibility and opportunity.  Here and I now I can accept that that which is out of my control I can find the good in, even when on the surface it looks bad.

I do not know what Monday will bring.  I am no longer concerned about it, though.  What will be, will be.  Either way, I am well and truly on my way, developing the life I most desire, creating now the world I want to live in.

Sure there are things out there I am discontent with.  There is some unbelievable stuff happening to the nation I call home.  All of these things cannot be ignored, and I will donate to worthy causes and participate in protests and boycotts and marches as appropriate for me.  But I have to continue to live the best life for myself that I can, because all I have is MY life.  Further, the happier I am in my life, the happier I can help those I care about be with theirs.

This is a new perspective, and I have never felt more prepared to tackle the challenges I might face.  I see what I want, and I can see it as mine…now I am getting ready to accept it all.

Thanks for taking this journey with me.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worldswith me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 8:

Diet:  Continuing with being mindful about what and how much I am eating.

Exercise: Three days of fencing, one at the gym.

Writing:  The three blogs got written.

Meditation:  I meditated 2 days last week for about 5-6 minutes.

Gratitude: I only wrote out 5 things one day last week.

 

This is the twenty-second entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Working through Negative Emotions

I was recently delivered a rather serious blow to my ego.

Without getting into too much detail, I ran across something online that made me question my worth, my value as an individual, and my ability to do good work.  It was early in the day, and set the tone for the rest of my day, leaving me feeling discontent, nervous, unhappy, and otherwise uncertain.

I spent a day feeling ill, unhappy, and discontent.  Worse, the general news of the world just added to that feeling once again.  I could not find any consolation; I was doing my best not to react even more negatively than I was.

But much later, when I had a chance to reanalyze and calm down, I got a new perspective.  Maybe this thing that made me feel this way was either not the worst-case scenario I feared it could be, and/or maybe this was actually another wake-up call from the Universe.

I believe that there are omens, signs and portents that we often miss.  I can see them for what they are, from time to time, and I go with it.  For example, a couple of recent events, signs and omens, prompted me to stop waiting for…whatever, and visit my doctor for my overdue physical.  I want to be healthy in every way, and I know there is room here for improvement.  So I went, and am in the process of making some necessary changes.

As I am working on becoming more aware overall, I am seeing that signs have become a bit more visible to me.  I can see that certain things happen to show me that I need to redirect my focus or shift my thoughts, and take new and different paths sometimes.

This is where seeing this unusual situation for possibility and positivity rather than negativity, I am in a better place to continue working on my conscious reality creation.  I can strive to get control over my emotions.

I frequently write about the fact that we have control of our own emotions.  While this is true, it often doesn’t feel so.  Things happen and we get upset by them; we read the news and suddenly we’re really  angry; somebody says something mean and we feel hurt; we trip on the sidewalk and feel embarrassed.  All of these are perfectly valid, and all of these are natural reactions and normal feelings.  Since I know I am not fond of feeling such, the question is, how long do I want to hold onto this negative feeling?

In the here and now there is an initial reaction.  From that reaction, we might look to the past (wow, why does this keep happening?) or ahead to the future (what am I going to do if that goes down?)  This will inevitably cause an emotional reaction, which can in turn assert dominance over us, and so begins a downward spiral.

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One of the reasons I am trying to focus more on my awareness of the here-and-now is to NOT be ruled by my emotions.  When I am asking myself How am I feeling? I immediately can see what my emotional state is in the here-and-now, and if it’s not something I want, I can decide what to do about it.  Being aware of my current thoughts and feelings allows me to better know my emotional state, and help me to be where I want to be if I am not currently there.

Yes, negative emotions can be VERY hard to overcome.  This is why so many people contend with depression.  Yoda may not have meant this to be about depression, but still, “Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.”  While depression will not be dominant “forever”, when you are coping with it, it certainly feels that way.

When you cope with depression, it’s even harder to get ahold of your emotional state, let alone take control over it.  Yet it is possible, it just takes any one or combination of different methods.  These can include, but are certainly not limited to a medication, use of a sun lamp, practicing meditation, more time in nature, disconnecting from the internet, a good laugh, a good cry, screaming in rage, exercising, smashing something with a hammer, taking time with a pet, time with a loved one, sensory deprivation; or some other reset.  Applying something that releases the negative energy and/or replacing it with positive energy can help tremendously.

I know that I am not alone in this.  Yes, sometimes it very much feels as if I am, but I know that I am not.  That helps me see I can turn to others who will understand, and together we can strive to use the here-and-now to overcome our upsets of the past and concerns for the future.

Please note – if you suffer from depression, whether temporary, clinical, great or small or what have you – I am here for you.  You are not alone.  We all have bad days, but I believe that we can work together to get through them, and enjoy the good and see positive possibilities.

A slight digression from my usual post, but important, I think.  Thank you.

Thank You for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 7:

Diet:  Continuing with being mindful about what and how much I am eating.

Exercise: Three days of fencing.

Writing:  The three blogs got written, some work on my modern alchemist story.

Meditation:  I meditated 1 day last week for about 7 minutes.

Gratitude: I completely failed to write any of these last week.

 

This is the twenty-first entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Crossing the Bridges: Living in the Here & Now

I believe that the key to happiness is living in the now.

This is particularly challenging, because our society is rather fond of living in the then and living for tomorrow.

I have goals and aspirations.  One of the reasons I began this portion of my blog was to explore how to live and work in all the worlds I do.  I need to cross between separate aspects of my life, different forms of writing, my social life and my professional life and so forth, despite them all being a part of the overall greater whole.

One of the greater challenges in this process, though, is my perception of time.  It is imperative that I do better with living in the here-and-now, rather than considering past matters or focusing on the future.

I have determined that there are two things I want from my life.  I want to write, and see my novels become best sellers and get turned into TV shows and movies.  Tall order, but I think it’s not outside of the realm of possibility.  I want to take Pathwalking out of the blog, and turn it into a coaching practice, and help others find and live their own empowerment, choosing their own destinies.

One of the biggest problems with these goals is where I see them.  I know full well that I see them ahead, in time, eventually, or down the line; but however you want to phrase it they are in the future.  They are something to be reached, something to be worked towards.

ThisRightHere.  This is the problem.  Every single book I have read or listened to about consciousness creating reality and manifestation states that you HAVE to see the things you want as already yours.  Right here, right now.  Not “will be” or “coming soon” or “down the line” or “in the future”, but here and now.  In the present tense.  You have to clearly picture them in your life right now, to give them clarity and power in order to consciously create them.

Time is utterly relative.  This is why it is imperative to envision your goal as if you have already achieved it.  Both philosophers and scientists have made this point, that time is an illusionary concept.  Much of how we perceive time is artificial, which can be hard to believe, but is true none-the-less.

When I recovered from my injuries after getting hit by a car crossing a street, I know that I didn’t see myself as healed “eventually”.  I didn’t see myself walking in the future, I saw it right then and there.  Yes, I was either bound to a wheelchair or using crutches or a walker, but nevertheless I saw myself as being whole, and everything working just like it had before.  Yes, there are some wicked scars remaining, titanium plates in my right shoulder, and parts of my right arm are still fairly numb – but to all intents and purposes I am fully healed, and can walk, run, and use my arm like before my injuries.

I refer to this example a lot because it was probably the most profound moment in my life.  I was severely broken, and when faced with a choice of curl up in a ball and hope for death, let it heal as it heals, or push and fight every step of the way, I chose to fight.  I was changed not just physically by that moment in my life, but mentally and emotionally, too.  I am striving to recapture the focus and absolute beliefs I held during that period in my life, because I know that I am capable of manifesting what I need, because I have done it before.

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I need to work on perceiving the bridges I cross not being between today and tomorrow, but all being in the same time.  I need to envision myself with bestselling novels.  I need to feel how it would feel to have an offer on the table for the screen rights to my work.  I need to imagine in detail teaching a class of Pathwalkers, and having people come to me to learn to better empower themselves.  I need to feel how it will feel to have the wealth and abundance this will bring me, and how it will feel to give large donations to charity, to be even more generous to friends and family, right now, as if this IS my life.

Overall I need to live more in the here-and-now.  Analyzing the past is not my biggest issue, I recognize that my past is past…it’s worrying about the future that is most challenging.  This is particularly convoluted these days, largely because of massive uncertainty in the American political climate.  I can’t do anything but protect those I love in the here-and-now, so I know that I need to be more thoroughly thinking, feeling and acting in the here-and-now.

How do I move my thoughts from tomorrow into today?  I need to be more aware of my self-talk.  I am checking in with myself several times a day with questions about How Am I? What am I thinking? and How am I feeling?  These came of Pathwalking in Practice, and are meant to make me more aware, right here and now.  I think I might need to add the question, Am I thinking about things ahead of me, or in the now?  Simple question, simple answer, but that doesn’t make it any less important.

Living in the now is imperative for finding empowerment, peace and happiness.  I cannot reclaim the past and I can’t live in tomorrow, so focusing on here and now allows me to simply BE.  The power of that is incredible, and I know from everything I have studied that in doing this, I will cross every bridge I need to in order to manifest the life I most want.

Thought.  Feeling.  Action.  Right here, right now…I can do almost anything I can imagine. Thank You for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 6:

Diet:  Continuing with being mindful about what and how much I am eating.

Exercise: Two days of fencing and two days at the gym.

Writing:  The three blogs got written, I spent much of a snow day working on the sci-fi novel, and also worked on another story another day.

Meditation:  I meditated 3 days last week, never less than 6 minutes.

Gratitude: I wrote five things I was grateful for on three days this week.

 

This is the twentieth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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