The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Category: Crossing the Bridges (Page 1 of 8)

What Do I Do With The Obstacles of My Own Making?

Many of the obstacles I encounter in life are of my own creation.

Everybody encounters obstacles along the way.  Some are out of our control, such as weather and traffic.  Many, however, only exist because we allow them to.

ObstaclesThis blog has evolved since its initial creation, in order to focus on how consciousness creates reality.  I share my ideas because I know I am not alone in doing what I do.  But I also share because I believe that it empowers my journey along the way.

This week I have written about the empowerment that comes from caring, and how anticipation can be used to help us along our paths.  Crossing the bridges is my most personal weekly post, so please bear with me while I get into this.

The vast majority of the obstacles I run into are of my own making.  I have written about my tendency to self-sabotage, or to let my fear of rejection stay my hand, but the biggest obstruction I regularly encounter is my own inner-dialogue.

Everybody has an inner-dialogue.  I have referred to this before as self-talk.  Frequently, when we say I AM we follow it with unkind things.  This is a conscious creator, which is why it’s important to be so aware of it.

Beneath the conscious use of I AM, there is a subconscious inner-dialogue that runs on.  It is that voice which I find presents the greatest obstacle to me, at least.  Why?  Because that voice is one of doubt, of second-guessing, and of inner criticism.

It’s that nagging little voice that tells me that I am unworthy.  That I am undeserving of the life I want to create.  That my mantra of mightiness is bullshit.  This nagging voice is frequently unkind, skeptical and cynical.

Self-created obstacles are infuriating.

A great deal of what I share in this blog is a part of my work in being more aware of what I am thinking. Awareness of thought in turn leads to better awareness of emotion.  When we give our thoughts feeling, this in turn helps us manifest what we want.  That’s conscious reality creation in action.

I know a lot of people who think this is bunk.   More hooky-spooky new-agey BS.  Because I have used this successfully, I know that it can be done.  And yet, I still have doubts.

Some among my friends are supportive of this.  It’s not that other friends and family members aren’t supportive; they just view my belief as different from their own.  Mostly, I think, they live in a more specific reality, where you have to do certain things in life, and some dreams are too impossible to make into realities.

Everyone experiences the opinions and ideas of others, all their lives.  In time, this will embed itself into your subconscious.  This is where that inner-asshole takes root.

Please note – I am not blaming anyone for this.  I am an adult, and I know that my thoughts are my own.  It’s wholly up to me to not just recognize this and its origin, but to change it.  Or not.

That voice inside my head is fearful, frequently negative and full of disbelief.  You want to be a best-selling author?  Almost nobody succeeds at that.  You want to be wealthy?  Maybe you should have become a Doctor or Lawyer like your mom has suggested.  Look at all the time you waste in a given day.  How can you think you are worthy of success, you keep doing stupid things and making mistakes.  You suck at rolling dice.  See why this is such an obstacle?

Obstacles of my own creation are mine to remove, too.

Friends refer to these sorts of thoughts and feelings as brain weasels.  Little annoying rodents running about, mucking everything up.  Silencing them, or removing them is a major challenge.  Yet I know it is the key to manifesting the life I am striving to create.  I know that that inner-dialogue needs to be evicted from my brain.

How?  How do I stop it?  What can I do to remove this obstacle to my life’s works?  Currently I am employing daily meditation, frequent recitation of a powerful mantra, and writing these blog posts to address this.

All good, and it helps me be more aware…but I find that this horrid inner-dialogue is still running.  Telling me all the mistakes, failures, poor choices and time-wasting I have done in the past or present is all that really matters.  It tells me my intentions, successes, good choices and work achieved in the past or present cannot make-up for that.  I should stop trying to consciously create reality, because it’s impossible, I should get over myself, and accept my place in life.

How do I combat that?  Normally I would write that I do not know.  However, that’s just an excuse.  “Do or Do Not, there is no try.”

First – I thank that inner dialogue.  Thank you for trying to protect me from myself.  I know that you are scared that I cannot handle the change that this will bring about.  But in truth, I want and need this.  I can do this.

Second – I have to listen for that voice, and shut it down when it comes.  Trap those brain weasels and turn them loose into the wild.

Third – I need to truly release this.  It is up to me to cry, to scream, to talk to myself and talk it out.

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.

Every self-help and new-age book about the law of attraction and its ilk that I have read or listened to says the same thing.  Our subconscious is programmed in our youth.  Though we take a lot of that on as our own, in truth it belongs to our parents, our teachers, our relatives and our friends from childhood.  That is where this awful inner voice comes from.  This is how we create most of our self-made obstacles when we work to consciously create reality.

I have my work cut out for me.  Thank you for reading about my struggles.  Please know that I am here for you if you are coping with the same.  Together, we can remove these obstacles we create for ourselves.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.


This is the seventy-fourth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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Why Does Empathy Matter?

Empathy can better the world around us.  For what it’s worth, I am an empath.

What that means is that I can feel the emotions of people around me, sometimes better than I can feel my own.  The difference between simply feeling empathy and being an empath is that, as an empath I ALWAYS feel things.  With empathy, it is an emotion that can be switched on and off far more easily.

EmpathyBecause I am an empath, I frequently find myself experiencing emotions outside of myself, and it can be a bit jarring at times.  However, it is in part because of my empathic senses, I shared everything I blog about with you.

Why?  Because I know if I am having thoughts and feelings on the topics I choose to write about, you probably have had similar ones.  Maybe not exactly the same, since we are all different from one another, but similar.

How we feel the emotions we feel differs.  Depth, sensation, the actual way in which we feel things varies from person to person.  This boils down to every single emotion, because we are individuals.

However, and this is really important, the similarities in what these emotions are shouldn’t be ignored or disregarded.  And, further, nobody’s emotions and sense of feelings are greater or lesser than anyone else’s.

Have you ever been told that you didn’t love someone as much as they loved you?  Or that you didn’t hurt as much as they did?  The truth of this is that while we can experience the same emotions, we won’t necessarily feel them the same way.  The depth, frequency, sensation and overall understanding is going to vary depending on who you are, how you process things, and other random and not-so-random variables.

I believe that my empathic ability helps me to be a better writer, fiction or otherwise.

Empathy is not just for an empath.

As I look at my social media feeds, I am almost overwhelmed by a lot of what I am seeing.  The world we live in today is rocked by so much fear, so many messages of scarcity and lack.  One thing that I think would be of tremendous help to the world would be more empathy.

Look at the politicians here in the USA.  Because they care far more about themselves and their contributions from the NRA and other special interests, they do nothing but offer meaningless “thoughts and prayers” for the latest shooting victims.  Maybe enacting some gun control laws and making mental health care less stigmatized and readily available to people?  Nah, we don’t need that.  Rather than show some empathy to real people with real struggles, they have nothing for anyone but themselves and those who benefit them.

When our “leaders” do not need to have empathy, people take their cues from them, and don’t feel the need to have it either.  How many people feel a few deaths are a small price to pay for the right to bear arms?  What about the people who think health care doesn’t need to be readily affordable for everyone?  How many people think they their struggles are greater than anyone else’s, and that there is not enough, so they must keep others away?

Empathy allows you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.  This is where some confuse this for sympathy.  I can best describe it thus: sympathy is saying, “wow, I’m so sorry you are going through that,” whereas empathy is saying, “I see how you are feeling, and I want to understand your feelings.”  Empathy is understanding, and I think we need a lot more of that in this world.

Empaths tend to want to understand.

The things I write are, in part, for me.  I have these really cool stories I need and want to write out, and these ideas about how consciousness creates reality I need to explore.  As an empath, I want to understand, but I also want to help others to understand.  This is why I feel the need to share my stories, because I think they can be openings for other people’s imagination.  Because I believe that consciousness can create incredible realities, I want to share my own process with this.

Feeling empathy towards other people is how we build bridges and create the best world we can.  Empathy is where we can see that this is a world of abundance with room for more prosperity and good for everyone.

When you see the terrible things happening in the world at large, consider your response.  Can you empathize with people who are suffering?  I think that if we find and feel more empathy, we can do a whole lot more to make this world a better place for everyone.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.


This is the seventy-third entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my blog (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted).  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

What Makes Me Feel Satisfied?

I have worked any number of jobs that didn’t leave me feeling satisfied.

We all have to earn a living, right?  You can’t just laze about your home, on a beach, or wander aimlessly all the time, because clothing, food and shelter cost money.  Also, frankly, doing nothing at all gets pretty boring pretty fast.

SatisfiedWhen I started college, I remember preparing to register for my first classes.  It was orientation, and I had not yet chosen my major.  I told my dad that I was going to major in procrastination and hesitation, with a minor in bureaucratic red tape.  He laughed, I laughed…and then I ruined his golf game because I get in line with my temporary advisor at 6am so that I could get into the classes I desired to take, and was done early.

The irony of this is that, in many respects, I really did choose procrastination and hesitation as my major.  Yes, I got my Bachelor’s degree in four years, but after college I was aimless.  The degree program and studies in college that I chose satisfied me, but were not, in the real world after college, sustainable.

Thus I spent my mid-twenties bouncing between jobs, and places I called home.  Then, I got hit by a car crossing a street, and would become the Titanium Don.  A year of my life went to recovery.

My body was changed, not just because of the fused bones in my right leg and titanium plates in my shoulder, but the muscle groups recovered in many unique ways.  Because I was not satisfied with the notion of recovering at any-old pace, I pushed, and pushed, and got past several of the obstacles my doctors expected.  No limp when I walk, and full use of my right arm.

What does it take for me to be satisfied?

After my recover and my return to a more-or-less normal life, this question continued to pop up.  What did it take for me to be satisfied by my life?  I found a job I was good at, but that bored me.

It was during this period, however, that Seeker was professionally edited.  Not only did my novel get thoroughly improved, but I learned how to strengthen my own writing, and became a far more skilled editor.

Perhaps it was my equal fears of success and failure, and the underlying fear of abandonment…or maybe it was my penchant for indecision, procrastination and hesitation…but I was not satisfied.  Satisfaction didn’t come from dating, the new home I moved into didn’t bring it about, and while I got a job I actually truly loved, the pay was not so satisfying.

My best friend told me on more than one occasion that consciousness creates reality.  I sort of accepted that idea, but didn’t really give it much attention.  Except on more than one occasion, I had used it successfully.

As I began to explore this idea, and found the best therapist I had ever seen, my life began to shift.  I was starting to find things that satisfied me.  I started to date an amazing woman, I got a couple different opportunities to publish some of my writing, and the notion of a New Year’s Action birthed Pathwalking.

It has been more than six years, now, since I started blogging weekly.  Rather than continue to submit my novels to agents and garner more rejections, I decided to self-publish.  That woman I was dating became my wife, and I began to realize that more things in my life made me feel satisfied than I had been acknowledging.

The satisfaction from the little things is actually huge.

When we look at the “big picture” of the society we live in, it’s easy to lose sight of the little things in life.  Every single day presents new opportunities, new options, new experiences.  Of course life throws curveballs, and we need to do things that are less fun like taking out the garbage, cleaning the toilet, and scooping the litter boxes.  Expressing gratitude for the things and people we have in our lives can help us feel satisfied, even in the face of bad days.

Currently, I have reached a point in my life where I am working on manifesting the life I want.  I am seeking ways to earn my living with my writing, because this is what makes me feel most satisfied.  This weekly section of the blog was created was so that I could explore how to bridge the gaps I envision between the styles of writing I do.  This blog, and the work in conscious reality creation, is as important to me as the fictional worlds of fantasy, Steampunk and sci-fi I write.

Published novels can lead to pay.  Nothing I have put out has become any sort of best-seller, yet.  Sure, I suppose it is a form of arrogance on my part to desire that sort of status, but as a writer with a lot of characters, stories and worlds in my head, I believe it is possible.

Conscious reality creation is an idea I can take several steps beyond this blog.  Maybe a podcast, and possibly speaking engagements to explore how this can and does work for everyone, when we are aware of what we think, how we feel, and the intentions of our actions.

Am I afraid of how it might feel to feel satisfied?

Maybe.  I long ago came to the conclusion that my fear of failure has an equal partner in a fear of success, both of which lead to the deeper, underlying fear of abandonment.  It is not the easiest path, but I am striving to create the joy I most desire, and crossing the bridges between my writing styles is the key to that.

I blogged on my author website that I was launching a Patreon.  I have been studying just what exactly Patreon is, and the best description I can provide is this:  Patreon is a place where people have the opportunity to be your patron.  They have a chance to provide you with support for that which you provide to them.  To quote Patreon directly: “Patreon is a membership platform that makes it easy for creators to get paid.”

Why do I want to do this?  What am I aiming to accomplish?  I want to be able to put into action the conscious reality creation I am blogging about.  As I continue to share the ideas of this blog, I want to be able to contribute more to my household and pay bills.

Today, I launch my Patreon.  It is my goal that this will allow me to create more, cross more bridges, and live a life that will bring me satisfaction on more levels.  I believe that what I have to offer is of tremendous value, and while I worry that this might come across as selfish, I believe that there is nothing unreasonable about taking this step.

Thank you for being a part of my journey.  Thank you for your continued support.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.

This is the seventy-second entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my blog (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted).  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

Ten Things Making Me Happy

In response to a great deal of awful things from the start of this year, I want to share with you ten things in my personal life that are making me happy.

While Valentine’s Day is my least favorite holiday, the message of love it conveys is worth spreading.  Rather than keep it to one day designed to generate revenue for florists, chocolatiers and card companies, I think spreading love every day is a fine thing.

10 Things Making me HappyLove begins with the self.  When I love myself, and my life, I can give more love out.  When I am grateful for these things I love, I draw more things to love to me.

This is the Law of Attraction in action.  Consciousness Creates Reality.  The actions we give our thoughts and feelings to will draw good or bad into our lives.

One of the main reasons I write this blog, and post three times a week, is to remind myself about the importance of this.  I desire to manifest some pretty amazing things into my life, and that requires me to be grateful for what I already have.  Sometimes this can be difficult, not because of a lack of gratitude, but more because of outside influences making me feel negative.

Spend any amount of time on Facebook or other social media, and see how positive you can stay.  Read one article about the incredible selfishness of the US President and Congress, and try not to get angry.  When the hobby world I like to spend time in experiences derision, it can be incredible frustrating.

The Ramblings of the Titanium Don, with Positivity on Mondays, Pathwalking on Wednesdays, and Crossing the Bridges on Fridays, is where I can offer up empathy for an all-too-often senseless world.  Thus, I give you some love today.

Ten Things that are making ME happy.

This is in no particular order, fyi.

  1. My friends. I have some of the most incredible friends. They offer me love and support and sounding boards as I walk my crazy paths.  You are incredible people, and you make me very, very happy.
  2. My wife. This might get a tad sappy, and she will probably tell you that this makes her throw-up in her mouth a little. I married an incredible woman.  She is my partner, my equal, my favorite companion.  It never ceases to amaze me how much having someone who understands me like she does matters.  She makes me very, very, happy.
  3. The SCA. The Society for Creative Anachronism has played an integral part of my life for over 26 years now. I have met amazing, talented, wonderful people playing this game, and found my favorite hobby.  Also, the SCA helped get me out of my shell, and I believe is why I am more extrovert than introvert now.
  4. Fencing. While this is a part of the SCA, I need to put it here separately. I have found very few things in life that bring me such joy.  Everything about fencing I love, from the various weapons to the melee combat to the people doing it.  I love teaching fencing to new people almost as much as I love fighting.  If I am having a lousy day, fencing practices ALWAYS make me happy.
  5. Writing. Putting words to the page is joy. I can make words fly and sing in ways that even surprise me from time to time.  Even when I find myself having trouble writing this blog, words on the page make me happy.

Five things that make me happy down, five to go.

  1. Reading. I do not read enough. This isn’t about articles online or social media, this is about books.  Fiction, non-fiction, self-help, whatever…reading is weightlifting for the mind.  No matter how strong I think I am now, reading will make me stronger.  That makes me happy.
  2. Music. As I am writing this, my Writer’s Mix is playing off my old MacBook. This mix is largely movie and TV scores, including the various Star Wars films, Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings and more.  Also, some classical music and cinematic New-Age by David Arkenstone.  In the car, I usually rock out or play something to sing along to.  Music, however, can alter my mood, and ultimate contribute to being happy.
  3. My cats. We have two cats. They are brats in their own unique way, but when they purr and do adorable things, it’s hard not to feel happy.
  4. My office. We recently moved, and with this I gained a home office. I have created a space that feels akin to a pillow-fort from childhood.  Comfortable, warm, and thoroughly ME.  Every time I come in here, I am home, and that makes me happy.
  5. You. Yes, this is utterly cheesy, but knowing that you have read this, and are reading my blog, makes me incredibly happy. Whether you agree or disagree with the things I write, it makes me happy to know that you read me.  Thank you!

Life can be rough.  We all go through difficult times.  But we can always find things that will make it better.

Hold on to your happy.

When we stressed out, and we feel bad, and the world seems terrible, there is always something we can find that will remind us of happiness.  Nobody can or frankly should be happy all the time.  But even when we are sad, angry, grieving, depressed, or otherwise feeling negative, we can seek out and find things that are happy.  I hope that by sharing some of mine, I can help you find yours.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!


This is the seventy-first entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my blog (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted).  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

Are You Kind?

Be kind to yourself.  Give kindness to others.

I am sitting here this morning, trying to come up with words for this post, and I have been doing my usual routine.  I go to Facebook, I play a couple games, and I read through a bunch of posts.

KindThere are a lot of discouraging things going on out there.  So much anger, so much fear, such unbelievable negativity.  Is this really the world we want to live in?

I don’t know about you, but I am not a fan of this.  Of course it’s important to stay informed, but the volume of bad news is just thoroughly distressing.  It overwhelms, and I can’t help but wonder what good, if any, I can do here?

I can be better to myself.  I can treat myself like I want to be treated by others, and then I can extend that out to the people around me.

Positivity this week covered taking one step at a time, while Pathwalking covered the power of tenacity.  I have been having a hard time coming up with a topic for Crossing the Bridges, because I have a lot in my head, and am having a difficult time centering.

Anger and anxiety have been clouding my mind this morning. I am feeling somewhat helpless in the face of all the negativity I have been reading.

It is, of course, ok to feel angry, to feel bad, to get annoyed by these things.  The problem is holding onto them too tightly.  If I allow my feelings to stay here and fester, I will lower my frequency, and I will have an ever-increasingly difficult time getting where I want to go.

Pause.  Breathe.  Refocus.  Most of all…be kind.  I need to be kind to myself.

Being kind is a key to conscious reality creation.

I know that like many people, I am often the least kind to myself.  There is a lot of self-doubt, criticism, uncertainty that crops up in my life.  When I am focused on these things, they cause me to not think so well of myself.  This is not a terribly useful approach to life.

So I need to be more kind to myself.  It’s all well-and-good to be kind to others, but if I do not show myself kindness, then I actually have less to share, too.  Like pretty much everything in the universe, it all starts with the individual.

Consciousness creates reality.  If I am focused on negative things, on unkind things, what do you think I am drawing into my life?  No surprise here – more things I would prefer not to draw to myself.  Thus it’s really important that I remember to treat myself kindly, and to be gentle towards my heart and mind.

When I am more kind to me, I build more ability to be kinder to others.  Positivity begets positivity.  The best way to empower anyone else is to empower myself.

This past month has been rough.  Sure, I can dwell on this…or I can acknowledge it, and strive to make every day a good day.  One step at a time, one day at a time.  Frequently that really is the best approach.

Sometimes the toughest things to do are the simplest.  Self-love and kindness towards self should be really easy.  Yet often, they are the most challenging act to take part of.  It is important to remember that being kind to others is great, but being kind to myself is also extremely important.

Remember that kind acts beget kindness.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.


This is the seventieth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my blog (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted).  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

Life is Energy

Life is energy, and energy is life.

When we lose people dear to us, their energy has not gone…it has been transmuted back to the Universe.

Life is EnergyWe will miss the people we care about when they leave us.  Their energy may be gone from our lives, but it is not truly gone.  Energy can never be created nor destroyed, just transformed into a new form.

As I am sitting at my desk writing this, I am witnessing the sun rising outside my window.  Its light and energy are comforting, but also inspiring.  Like the sun, I am also capable of rising above the horizon and making my way across the sky.

This has been a particularly trying week.  My friends and family and I are all hurting because we have suffered loss.  Two people who held very different places in my heart are gone.  I will never experience their energy in my own life again…but I take comfort in knowing that their energy is not really gone.

When I work to consciously create my reality, I am striving to manifest a life that makes me happy.  To do that, I have to manipulate my own energy, so that I can be attuned to a higher frequency.  The higher the frequency I am tuned in to, that better things I can consciously create for myself.

The losses I have experienced make me sad.  I grieve for those who have passed…but I also am comforted in knowing that their energies are still out there.  When I think of the two amazing men who have passed, I remember that they lived lives that were filled with passion, inspired people around them, and made them both happy.  In their memory, as I work on manifesting my life, I hope to work from their examples.

Life is where we are right here, right now.

In this moment I feel sadness not just for those who are lost, but for all those grieving their losses.  I don’t believe that we can ever be prepared to say goodbye to those we love.  Unfortunately, this life, in these meat-popsicles, is finite.  The energy that is our root will continue always, but it will change form when our time on this planet is over.

Our society has a particular obsession with looking forward and looking backwards.  Seldom do we work in the here-and-now.  I fall prey to that a lot myself, and have been actively working on changing it.

The two men that we have lost were very different, but had one thing in common.  They lived fully every day.  They were, as far as all reports go, happy.  The happiness they expressed in their lives inspired people around them.  Both of them impacted a lot of lives, and both have left holes in the hearts of many.

They may be gone…but their energy is not.  They showed us that life is precious, and from their examples we can choose to live big, do what we can to be good people, and find what makes us happy.

Over the next couple of days both men will be memorialized.  Tears will be shed, and the memories of the impressions they made will flood over us.  But when this process is over we will go on.  In their memories, I am going to work even harder to use their examples and be the best person I can be.

Neither of these men did anything specifically to be an example.  They simply lived, every day, as best they could.

I can live life, or let life live me.

Too often I have let life live me.  It’s pretty easy to do…you just go with the flow, let the patterns of every day carry you.  There are people who find satisfaction in this.  But I desire to have more than just an everyday existence.  I want every day to learn new things, to live with all the passion I can, and to be the best me that I can be.

Consciousness creates reality.  If I am conscious of what I am thinking, feeling, and the actions that I take, I am able to be in control over my life.  Admittedly, this is not always easy.  When I spend too much time caught up in the goings-on across Facebook and other social media, or getting angry at the things I have no control over, I let my subconscious do the driving.

The memory of those I lost, and how they lived, can inspire me to be more aware.  Though I miss them in this moment, and I feel sad at their loss, I know that they both would want me to go on, and live well.  No matter who we lose in this life, I believe that they want us to keep living as fully as possible.

Wakes, funerals and memorials are not for the dead…they are for the living.  This is where and how we say goodbye.  Yes, it is an ending…but the energy of these lost souls is not gone, just transmuted, and spread further across the Universe.  Our loss is the Universe’s gain.  I don’t know if that gives you comfort, but it inspires me to live the best I can.

Energy is life, and life is energy.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.


This is the sixty-ninth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my blog (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted).  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

Am I Worthy and Deserving?

I am worthy and deserving of awesomeness in my life.

It’s interesting how often I need to remind myself of this.  There have been many instances where I do not feel as though I deserve to have the things I desire in my life.

Worthy and DeservingCrossing the Bridges is the most personal of my weekly posts.  I am exploring not only my philosophies and approaches to life, but my actual, factual life.

In Positivity I pointed out that YOU are amazing!  Part of the reason for this is because recognition of worth is something we take too often for granted.  Along this same line, Pathwalking involved looking at the empowerment of praise.  Praising can raise our frequencies.  Higher frequencies are associated with better feelings.  I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to feel good.

For much of my life, I have struggled with my self-esteem.  Some of this is borne of depression, some of it is life experiences along the way.  Recognizing my own self-worth, and deserving of good things has proven to be challenging at times.

While getting outside validation of my worth can help, it’s really a matter of me recognizing my own deserving.  Am I worthy of success, abundance, and overall good things in my life?  Logically, I know the answer is yes.  But feeling it is where the challenge often lies.

Feeling emotions has been a struggle for me most of my life.  Sure, there are several instances from my past I can point to for this, but they do not matter now.  No, I am an adult.  I need to take responsibility for how I feel.  When I am not feeling right, it’s up to me to work in the here-and-now to adjust that.

There is never a quick-fix when it comes to this.

Recognizing being worthy and deserving is not a selfish act.

One of the other issues that comes from this is a fear of being perceived as selfish.  We are socially so inundated by stories of unbelievable greed and selfishness, it’s hard not to see any act that does not help other people as one that’s not selfish.

Taking care of ourselves is not the same as being selfish.  Being selfish comes from a lack mentality.  It’s the notion that there is not enough to go around, so I have to hoard what there is.  Greed is of the same ilk, and a monetary form of selfishness.

When I say I am deserving and worthy of awesomeness in my life, I am also suggesting that you are, too.  But in order to have more to give, I need to have some for myself.

We live in an abundant universe.  This is not an easy thing to recognize, because our society is hyper-focused on lack and scarcity.  Consciousness creates reality.  The more we focus on what we don’t want, the more we are in danger of creating.

I am a good person.  Maybe I am not always the best office worker, and from time to time I can be stubborn.  But I am a good person, with a good heart.  I want to live a life with abundance and prosperity.  Not just so that I can have more of the things I want, but so that I can also give more.

The awesomeness I am worthy and deserving of is both tangible and intangible.

Nobody but you can determine your own worth.  Yet regularly, we turn to peers and loved ones for affirmation.   The thing is, even if they tell us we are worthy, we might not feel it.

This is why I am stating in the open that I am worthy and deserving of a good life.  Because everyone is.

We are worthy even when we screw up.

Every single one of us is perfectly imperfect.  Part of the human condition is that we’re going to get it wrong.  We will cause someone to feel hurt, or disrespected, or unloved.  We will make mistakes.  There will be foul-ups both great and small along the way.  These are the lessons that help us to grow.  They do not lessen our worth.

I have been reciting a new Mantra or Mightiness, as Jen Sincero calls it, for almost two weeks.  As often as I am putting it out there, I need to do so even more.  It reminds me of my worth, and that I deserve to be abundant and happy.

There is always work to be done.  This is actually a good thing, because that work is how we grow.  I have a lot of things I am aiming to do with my life.  I know that I can make them happen.

Abundance and prosperity are things I am worthy and deserving of, just the same as you are.  It is ok to be aware of this.  Awareness is consciousness, and consciousness creates reality.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me!


This is the sixty-eighth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my blog (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted).  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

How Can I Best Use Time?

Time is relative.  Our perception of it is variable, fluctuates, and changes depending on how much attention we are paying to it.

Einstein told us that time is an illusion.  More specifically, he said, “The distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.”  Yet our whole society obsesses over these distinctions.

TimeLast week, I wrote about my tendency to always put my work on conscious reality creation ahead of me.  Not in the here-and-now, but coming soon or just ahead or some similar notion.  All this week, I have written about how many people, myself included, use the New Year as a point of renewal.  As I continue to work on crossing the bridges between my worlds, I am also working on defining just what my worlds are.

It is easy for me to make a case that crossing the bridges can apply to not just the different forms of writing I partake in, but in time.  The past, the present and the future are often perceived as having either imperceptible or enormous gaps between them.  More often than not, people see them as far apart, requiring, at the least, bridges for crossing.

Past, present and future, according to Einstein, are in fact non-distinct.  They are an artificial illusion we have created for ourselves.  Why?  Because time is like a flowing river.  Like the river, we have a need to find both its beginning and its end.

I have been working on better living in the now.  This is particularly tricky.  Not only because I struggle to not focus on the past or look ahead to the future.  I am also torn between my personal and immediate now, and the now of our society.

“Time is the reef upon which all our frail mystic ships are wrecked.”  – Madam Arcati, from Noël Coward’s Blithe Spirit.

When I start scrolling through Facebook to read updates from my friends, I am also inundated with news.  Some is biased, some is scary, some is infuriating…all of it is sensational.  The headlines are meant to get our attention, and immediately set our emotions in action.

When I manage to fall down this rabbit hole, it becomes increasingly difficult for me to keep focused on the reality I want to manifest with conscious reality creation.  When idiotic, childish madmen are making threats about deploying weapons of mass destruction, and uncaring, unsympathetic rich white dudes are only about making themselves richer, how can anything I want to create for myself matter?

I need to remind myself that what I want to manifest does matter.  Why?  Because if I want to make a difference in this world, I can only start by making my life as full as I can.  To do that, I need to use my consciousness to create my reality, manifest my desires, and share it with you.

When, here and now, I see my dreams made manifest, I can share my process.  Than I can help anyone else do the same.  Even with the variables between what I want for my life, what you want, and what someone else might want, the process is no different.  As I make it happen, I will be more capable to help others do the same.

I mentioned in Pathwalking this week that I was taking an online course from Jen Sincero in creating new and better habits called You Are A Badass at Habits.  One of the things she talks about is how habits are more prevalent than we think.

“We only get to be in our bodies for a limited time, why not celebrate the journey instead of merely riding it out until it’s over?” – Jen Sincero, You Are A Badass

Habits are more than just smoking, over-eating and brushing your teeth.  They also include the routines we do every day by rote.  Or, to put it another way, habitually.

One of the dominant habits I have developed is to surf Facebook when my mind wanders.  This inevitably has me reading more news that makes me feel negative, and as I feel bad my mind wanders further.  Then, look at that, I am still not consciously creating the reality of my choosing.

The time has come to change this habit.  Reading through Facebook, in particular when my mind starts to wander, is like stopping in the middle of the bridge.  Not to look out at the chasm below or the clouds above, but to look at my own feet.  Or worse, the screen on my phone, while ignoring what’s actually around me.

And that is the thing I have to keep in mind.  While I can write about how I feel, vote in the next election, or partake in a protest, I can’t do anything more about the bad things I encounter.  I can, however, work on what I am thinking, how I am feeling, and intentional actions I can take in regards to my own life.  When I work on living better, I can impact others better.

This is not going to be an easy habit to break.  But I recognize that I need to.  Time will tell how I do with it.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.


This is the sixty-seventh entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my blog (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted).  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

Where Is My Intent?

I have been working with the question of the intent for my life a long time, now.

For decades, my answer was usually, “I don’t know what I want.”  I became particularly skilled at saying “I don’t know”.  Over time, my indecision extended out to include restaurants, jobs, relationships, hairstyles…you name it.  When it came to decision-making, I left that to anyone else that I could.

IntentLess than ten years ago, however, I began to really think about what I wanted from my life.  I became less indecisive, and started to make choices.  Eventually I began to act with far more intent than not.

Over time I have begun to achieve more of the things I set out to do.  I finished and self-published my novels, began to blog regularly, got into a stable relationship, and overall started to work on manifesting the life I most desired to have.

Some people know from a pretty young age just who and what they want to be.  Some people never figure this out at all.  Then there are people who think they know, but then keep changing their minds.  The term I have seen for this nowadays is FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out.  If I choose wrong, what might I miss?  I spent a lot of time in this place.

There have, of course, been moments of brilliant and not-so-brilliant conscious reality creation in the course of my life.  On many of those occasions, I didn’t realize I was manifesting my experience.  There were, however, a few times along the way that I got it.  I thought, felt, and intentionally acted upon the intended goal.  I had no doubt, did not second guess, saw and accepted only the one outcome, and sure enough that’s what I got.

Intent needs to be in the now.

The idea behind crossing the bridges has been my personal work to bridge the gaps I perceive in my life.  Or more specifically, lives.  There is the vastly different types of writing I do, which includes multiple genres of fiction; different non-fictions like this blog, my humorous narrative, and other empowerment and self-help works; business and professional writing that seldom gets my name attached to it.  Different formats, all me.  This is also ignoring Malcolm, my SCA persona, and all the things I do there.

The initial issue was, can I write all these different things under one nameOr do I created different personas for different genres?  I created these posts as part of the solution, and started to work from here.

After spending a great deal of my life uncertain of my intent, I know what it is I want now.  The life I want to make manifest is clear.  I know who I am, who I want to be, and what it will be like to get there.

Then I reach this same problem.  I can see it…ahead.  In my mind’s eye I envision what it will be like…soon.  Before me are the things I want to have, the person I want to be, the life experience I want to enjoy.  Here I am, right on the cusp, and I am so very nearly there I can almost taste it.  Every single one of my senses anticipates how it will feel, how it will be.

Consciousness creates reality.  If I always see these things ahead of me, as not yet happened, then why am I surprised I can’t quite get what I desire?

I need to be aware of when my intent is for.

If my intent is focused ahead instead of in the now, is it any surprise I frequently feel as if I am on the cusp of achieving my desire, but can’t get over that last hump?

This applies to numerous things in my life.  My weight, my career, my overall goals.  All of these I can see as I want them to be.  But I leave them ahead of me, down the line, coming soon.  They are not getting the fuel they need in the here-and-now to truly come into being.

The key to manifestation of any goal is to see it as already done.  How many times have I written this over the years?  It doesn’t matter, because until I take it to heart and apply it, I need to keep writing it down.

When I have consciously created my reality before, I KNOW, without a shred of doubt, that I saw only one possible outcome.  What’s more, I saw it as already done, not coming up or down-the-line, but done.  I wasn’t healing, I was healed.  The car I needed wasn’t going to be acquired soon, it was already mine.  No doubts, no second-guesses, no skepticism, already a done-deal.

It is this spirit I need to take to heart.  I have to get out of seeing things ahead of me, and see them here-and-now.  I have to let go of my doubt, stop second-guessing, and think, feel and act with intent on these things today.

Action with intent manifests conscious reality creation.

This is not me placing the blame on society, but acknowledging that part of my issue is there.  We live in a society obsessed with the past and future, rarely focused on the now.  Too much time reading things on social media can subconsciously pull me away from the now.  Knowing this, I see what I need to work on.

I need to find and take more intentional actions in order to get out of my own head.  The specifics will require some work.  As I have written before, and will certainly write again, nothing worth having is ever too easy.  I know what I want from my life.  Now, right now, I need to envision it as here.  Not coming up, not soon, not ahead, but here.

Consciousness creates reality.  New mantra/affirmation: I see myself living in abundance, with all the joy and awesomeness and people I love surrounding me.  Rinse, repeat.  Manifest the life I desire.

I hope that the coming New Year brings you everything you wish to create.  As always, Thank You for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.


This is the sixty-sixth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my blog (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted).  Fill in the info and click the submit button below and receive your free eBook.  Thank you!

What Do I Want To Give The World?

I want to give back to the world.

One of my greatest desires is to give something of value to the world.  Whether it’s entertainment in the fiction that I write, insight from this blog, lessons in medieval rapier combat, or a pun to make someone crack a smile, I want to be a giver.

GiveOne of the risks of this, though, is focusing more on giving than receiving anything in return.  When in the course of day-to-day life one needs to earn a living, this can present a particular challenge.

I am working on reconciling this idea.  How?  By seeing and acknowledging the difference between being a giver and taker.

This has been covered both in Positivity and Pathwalking this week, but to reiterate, giver’s give from a place of abundance, with no real expectation of anything in return.  Takers may give from time to time, but it is with a demand for something in return.

That something can take a bunch of different forms.  Money, favors, praise, etc.  A giver does what they do to assist, help, and often empower.  A taker does what they do to curry favor, gain for themselves, and usually in order to disempower.

Yes, I want to get paid to be a writer.  My books are not available on Amazon for free.  This in part because this is how I want to cross the bridges between writing for fun and writing for a living.  Writing for a living is still fun for me, but I’d like to earn money doing it.

I have studied some ways with which I could monetize this blog.  Yeah, I would really like to make some money writing these posts.  But it is more important to me to maintain my principles and be a giver.

To give is not to sacrifice.

I think this is one of the issues I have to work with.  I’m aware of a lot of artist types like myself that hold onto several beliefs about money and integrity.

That’s one issue.  The other is how often we are told that you can’t make money as a writer/painter/sculptor/actor and so forth.  Only the very lucky few, such as Steven King, Salvador Dali, Leonardo DaVinci or Will Smith make it big.  Everyone else is struggling.

Earning an income can be difficult in the best of times.  Job security is pretty laughable in this day-and-age.  Even people in industries known to make good money find challenges.  Taking that into account, trying to cross the bridges between where I am now and where I want to be, it comes as no surprise that I feel rather conflicted.

I want to give, but not sacrifice in the process.  This is why there are certain types of writing I only do for money.  There was a small magazine I wrote three or four articles for, to put my name out there.  Free press.  But after one of my articles was the cover story, I said, “Hey, I am a writer.  I don’t normally just give this stuff away, so please pay me.”  Suffice it to say, they didn’t want any more articles for me.

Did I sacrifice something?  Truth is, no.  Continuing to write without pay would have made me angry.  Sure, I would have gotten my name out a few more times as a published writer, but I would have sacrificed my time and my energy, and gotten nothing in return.

Does that make me a taker?  No.  Why?  Because this is not a matter of selfishness, it is a matter of self-care.

Selfish versus selfless is the difference between take and give.

Do you expect a plumber to come into your home, fix a leak, install a toilet, and not get paid?  Would you expect a doctor to perform a surgery on you free of charge?  Of course not.  So how come people expect artistic types to give away our work for free?

Yes, I want to give value to the world.  Yes, I want to get paid to do this thing I love.  How do I reconcile being a giver versus being a taker?  To a large degree, it all comes down to intent.

To receive fair value for services rendered is how our society works.  The problem comes in when we get confused between levels of value, fair versus unfair, and greed.  Presently, a great deal of what we see in regards to the wealthy is a staggering level of greed.  The unfortunate, unintended trickle-down from this is a blurring if the lines.

As such, wanting to receive fair value for my writing while still giving something back is not a selfish act.  It doesn’t mean I am ending my blog, nor am I about to start charging you to read it.  But in the process of consciously creating reality, I want to manifest a career as a professional writer.  This is my ultimate goal.

The why of my goal, however, is because I want to give something more to the world.  Whether I take you away to a fantasy world, make you laugh, or help you manifest a better life with conscious reality creation, it all is about my greatest desire to give.

Give from a place of abundance.  Do so with joy and passion.  Give because it feels incredible.  That is my intent in manifesting the life I most desire to live.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worlds with me.


This is the sixty-fifth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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