The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Category: Crossing the Bridges (Page 1 of 6)

How Joy Empowers Us

Living in joy is the ultimate goal.

I don’t want to spend my time at a desk, working for someone I might not entirely respect, doing something that bores me.  Life is just too short for that.  Rather, I want to do something that makes me happy.

Have you ever been told that “You have to work for a living” or “you gotta do what you gotta do” or “you have to make ends meet” or similar?  Likely, I suspect you have.  How come we so readily accept that work should be joyless and soul-crushing?

Crossing the Bridges 51Think about it.  Even if you are not working at something that isn’t ideal, how many people do you know that do?  How many friends and loved ones complain more about where they work than not?

How come we accept this?  Why have we decided that it’s perfectly ok to spend the majority of our waking hours being unhappy?

Yes, we can argue about “responsibility” and “being an adult” and on and on.  But consider this: we are only in these bodies, on this planet, for about a century – give or take a decade or two.  While our essence is energy, and will not be destroyed when we pass away, in these meat-popsicles our time is finite.

Not only is our society fear-based, but it’s also lack-minded.  We are inundated with messages that there is not enough, that we have insufficient supplies, that things are lacking.  This in turn leads some to hoard all kinds of things, and deny others because of this mentality.

Joy is a matter of abundance.

The universe is abundant.  Despite our being constantly told that it’s not, it actually is.  We are capable of manifesting pretty damned amazing things, when we get out of our lack mindset.

This is something I have been working on for some time.  I tend to get caught up in the lack mentality, and because of this I have spent a great deal of my life indecisive.  I couldn’t decide what I actually wanted, so frequently made no choice at all.  In my possession are many old journals, where entries from my thirties are all about being down, lacking satisfaction and joy and so on.

For years, I would tell you that my theme song was U2’s I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.  This applied to my home, job, relationships, spiritual state, financial state, yadayadayada.  I complained a lot,  questioned everything, and felt very alone.

What changed?  I started to take action.  As I have mentioned many times, Pathwalking was borne of a New Year’s Action, to begin to write weekly.  From there, I began to take on this idea of conscious reality creation and making choices.  Lo and behold, I started to experience changes I wanted to see.

I got into a stable relationship.  There was a job I mostly enjoyed.  The SCA continued to provide me with an outstanding social outlet.  I was writing, and began to see works published.  I began to truly pursue my joy.

How come I didn’t do this sooner?  In part, because I believed when I was told “writers don’t make much money” and “you can’t make a decent living as a writer” and similar.  Most of these statements were made to me not maliciously, but “for my own good” and to help me make choices along the way.

Joy is too important to ignore.

We tend to give our pursuit of happiness and joy a lot less attention than we should.  We have accepted the narrative of our society that happiness and joy come in small doses.  While I acknowledge that it’s impossible to live in joy all the time, I still want to experience it more frequently than its negative opposites.

I know that I have to earn a living, that I need to contribute to society in a productive manner, and always strive to do my best.  What I do not accept is that I should spend most of that time discontent.  Must I accept that the majority of my day should be spent doing something that is unsatisfying, and leaves me unable to experience much joy?  I say no.

You can go ahead and call me irresponsible.  I accept that society largely will think I am crazy for working on conscious reality creation to manifest a joyful life.  But when all is said and done, the ultimate goal I believe everyone is in pursuit of is joy.

Changing the lack mentality and fear-based society we live in can feel really daunting.  This is why it starts with each and every one of us.  When I stop feeding the lack and fear machines, and instead empower the abundance and contentment engines, I believe I can help empower others.  It is not selfish to seek abundance and joy for ourselves when we act on sharing it.

Abundance for joy.

I am working on taking a new approach to my day.  When I start to feel like I am lacking, I will actively work on focusing on abundance.  I will use gratitude for the things I have, and see the abundances of my life.  Even the little, easy to take for granted things are a matter of abundance.  Rather than focus on things I don’t have, I will work on focusing on gratitude for the things I have.

Viewing the world as abundant instead of lacking is something we can all do to change it.  We can’t ignore the problems of the world, but instead of lamenting them, we can work on making our own individual lives abundant and joyful.  I think this is totally a worthwhile goal, don’t you?

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 36:

Diet:  Mostly back on track, writing it out again.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, one day at the gym, one energetic hike.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done; a blog post to my author website; a couple days of writing in the sci-fi story.

Meditation:  Five of seven days last week, never less than 10 minutes.

Gratitude:  I was grateful for 5 things a day, over 5 days.

 

This is the fifty-first entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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Is Change Good or Bad?

Change is a good thing.

Yet this terrifies us.  Change leads to the unknown, and in our fear-based society, the unknown frightens us.

Crossing the Bridges 50I know that to some degree, this is a survival instinct.  When we lived in caves, and had a limited knowledge of anything but the immediate geography, the unknown beyond was almost unimaginable.  What kind of creatures are over that mountain?  Are there monsters in the sea?  Does that village we see smoke from contain cannibals?

Some among our ancient ancestors didn’t leave the immediate area.  But others did, they ventured out, faced the fear, changed the world they knew.  From that shift we evolved from hunter-gatherers to farmers, and change happened.

Our world evolved.  We crossed the sea, we went over the mountain, and we met the people of that village.  We swallowed our fear, we became explorers, and our world grew.

Change is how we got to our modern society.  Do you realize that a hundred years ago the idea of instantaneous global communications would have been totally unbelievable?  Because of changes in our technology, here we are.  The moment I post this it can be read anywhere in the world.

Yet deep down, the majority of us fear change.  And many of those who act as our “leaders” love to do whatever they can to exploit that fear.  They use that to maintain whatever status quo holds their so-called power.

Change happens whether you like it or not.

This is the truth.  Everything changes.  Every single day things move, shift, evolve.  This is inevitable.  It is also unavoidable.

I am at the cusp of some pretty major changes in my life.  Several matters are about to shift, ranging from my employment, to my home, to my physical, emotional and mental health.  Rather than just let these transitions happen, I am working on controlling them, and embracing them.

For example…we will be moving at the end of the fall.  While we are only moving two hours away from where we currently live, it will be the first time in over twenty years I will be relocating to a substantially different locale.  I’ll be less than an hour from a different major city than I have lived near for over two decades.

We have chosen this change.  Why?  Because transmutaion is good.  Change is growth, evolution, and opportunity.  Without these, we face stagnation.  The lack of growth can lead to staleness, like a standing pool of water, and a stagnant life can lead to enormous dissatisfaction.

Even if you are content with how things are, no matter how long they remain constant, they will still change.  A lot of this stuff is beyond our control.  How we react to it, however, is entirely up to each and every one of us.

Further, some change is unwanted.  I am going to get political here, because it is really hard not to.  Look at the effort our President is putting into obliterating everything his predecessor did.  Look at how, rather than fix the issues with the ACA, congress keeps trying to tear it down.  Millions of lives will be effected by some pretty selfish, thoughtless acts, and changes to policy.  A transition will happen, whether we want it to or not.

Accept change, or change it.

We can choose to just let this happen, or we can fight to alter matters for the better.  Marches, rallies, non-violent protests, blog posts and other actions can be implemented to change the negative to something positive.  Elections happen, and we can work on getting rid of the dead weight in congress.  We can inundate all of these so-called leaders with letters, e mails and phone calls reminding them who they work for.  We can choose how coming change will impact us.

This is true of change on every level.  Personal, political, global, even universal.  The thing is, simply resisting is not enough, we need to have a blueprint to change for the better.  We need to not fear the change is happening, but rather embrace change that we want.  We can and should resist the fear, but to move forward we need to strike out courageously towards positive tranformations.

I am looking at a lot of variation ahead of me.  There is some fear, and I need to acknowledge it, then let it go and replace it instead with confidence in myself, and setting out to create change as I want it.  I see the bridges of change before me.  Some are a little scary, you know, those rope bridges over huge chasms that look none-too-stable?  But I want to get to the change at the other side, so crossing the bridges is my only option.

Change is growth.  It is the new. This can be exciting if I choose to make it so.  That’s what lies ahead, and I am embracing change to create the life I most desire to live.

Embrace change, resist it, or cower in fear.  The choice is wholly up to me.  Embracing change is the only way to have any control of it.  What would you prefer to do?

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 35:

Diet:  Mostly back on track, but I have not been writing it down.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, two days at the gym.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done; a blog post to my author website; editing of Harbinger was completed as well.

Meditation:  Four of seven days last week, but I did not write anything down.

Gratitude:  I did not maintain the physical log, so this was not done.

 

This is the fiftieth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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How Do I Break the Pattern?

I am the only one who can break the pattern.  But I don’t have all the answers.

More often than not what I have is more questions.

I believe that this is one of the things, though, that makes life worth living.  New questions, new things to learn, answers to be found for questions asked.

I have been asking myself a lot of questions lately.  That’s what I do when I find myself on unfamiliar ground.  Here I am, between jobs, with a real idea of what it is I want to create for my life.

Before I was let go from my last job, I wrote out a schedule for myself.  I set up my day for the ideal job of writing full time.

In this schedule I allowed myself a somewhat flexible wake-up time.  I set aside time to write and edit, time to workout, time to read.  The plan that I created would allow me to get a whole bunch of work done, and really set me up to generate the life I most desire.

Consciousness creates reality.  That means to me that I am capable of manifesting the life I want to live.  Rather than get stuck in another so-so job; instead of working somewhere for eight hours a day that does not make me happy, I actively pursue the life I want, work for myself and spend more time in a good headspace.

Have I managed to do this?  Yes…and no.  I am still not entirely following my schedule, and I am coming up with distractions and excuses to carry it out completely.  Why am I failing at this?

Questions and answers.

I need to be completely honest with myself here.  I have had issues with ambition for a long time now.  There are ideas I have.  Plans get made.  Yet, time moves forward, and I continue to return again and again to the same issues.

Stay with me here, this might be something of a wild ride.  There is a pattern to my life, and I think I am only now acknowledging how much power I have given it.  In an ironic twist, I have been blogging for some time now about how we are the only ones who have control over our emotions.  Nobody but me feels what I feel.  How often do I take control of what I am feeling?  When am I most aware of the thoughts, feeling and action in regards to consciously creating my reality?  When do I let myself just go with the flow?

I see this pattern before me.  I plot out a new idea to work for myself, either with the writing of my novels or starting some new kind of writing-related business, or somehow working for myself.  Then I start up, I get a little traction…and then it falls apart.  Distractions overwhelm me, I half-ass my plan, I get disenchanted…then I stop believing in myself.  The conclusion is reached that I am incapable of making this happen, and it’s time to once again take another job working for someone else…and hopefully this time it won’t bore me, make me miserable, or otherwise feel like a total waste of time.

The pattern repeats.

Rinse, repeat.  I created Pathwalking in 2012, the idea being that I took a New Years Action, and started to blog weekly.  Pathwalking almost instantly became my life philosophy.  From there, I have further developed this idea of working on active conscious reality creation.  Overall, my life has been pretty excellent since I started this.  I’ve achieved a lot of different things and seen my life advance in some rather awesome ways.

Yet here I am today, without a job again, and I am questioning my purpose in life.  I am questioning my motivation, my ambition, my willpower.  Am I willing to do what needs to be done to consciously create my reality?  Do I believe in myself enough to manifest this?

The pattern must be broken.

I am the only one who can change this.  The pattern can only be broken by me.  It is up to me to use my own mind, to become truly aware of what I am feeling and to do something with that.  There is no magic pill, there is no single answer to this, except that I have to take action.  I have to break this pattern.

Tony Robbins writes a lot about breaking patterns.  To do that, you have to be aware of the words you choose to describe your emotions and situations you find yourself in.  Rather than self-sabotage by allowing myself to get distressed with the process or depressed or failing to keep to my plan, I need to change my self-talk.  I need to get impressed by the possibility, and I need to allow a momentary setback instead of depression; I need to not be failing at keeping my plan, I need to change my approach to the plan.  Break my habits, break my patterns, redirect the language in my head.

Only I have the answers.

I am never going to have all the answers…nor do I want to.  Life is about questions, learning, exploring, and gaining new knowledge and insight.  I am capable of conscious reality creation, and I can manifest the life I desire.  I see the pattern I do not want to follow before me, and I alone can break it.

Apologies for the rambling of this particular post.  There is a lot on my mind, and for some reason this one has been really hard to compose.  There are bridges I intend to cross, and I need to get the hell out of my own way.  That’s what this is about.  Nobody but me feels what I feel, I alone can ask the questions and seek the answers.  Only I can break my pattern, change my habits, and manifest my desires.

Your support, reading these disjointed paragraphs today, is greatly appreciated.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 34:

Diet:  I did not fully track my diet last week.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, no trips to the gym.  One walk.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done; editing of Harbinger occurred.

Meditation:  Five of seven days last week, never less than 8 minutes.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things only once last week.

 

This is the forty-ninth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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How does Conscious Reality Creation effect my life?

Our souls are forever, but our bodies are finite.  We only get one shot at life.

I read and listen to a lot of self-help books.  I have read and/or listened to works by Tony Robbins, Jen Sincero, Rhonda Byrne, Stephen Covey, Wallace Wattles, Napoleon Hill, Boni Lonnsburry and more.  The topics range from ideas for how to live life to the fullest, manifestation, controlling our emotions, choosing our own destinies, making money through ways we love, and so on.

LifeAll of them at their core get to the same point.  Consciousness Creates Reality.  Every single one of these authors is saying their own thing, in much the same way most of the world’s religions have the same message.  Be good to yourself, be good to others, stay positive with your thoughts AND feelings, and you can have the world as your oyster.

If we focus on a great deal of the world around us, this feels like total bullshit.  I mean, really, how can we consciously create reality and still live in a fear based society? How, with people spewing hate and greed and intolerance like open spigots, can this possibly work?

That is both the super-complicated yet almost unbelievably simple question.  I have been chasing this question for quite a while now, which is why this blog exists in the first place.

Consciousness Creates Reality

I know, from my own experiences, that consciousness DOES create our reality.  I have managed on more than one occasion to make this work.  When my thoughts were wholly focused on only one possible outcome, it worked.

I healed faster and more completely from serious injuries than the doctors could explain.  I acquired a car when mine was dying and my credit was horrific.  The girl I wanted got naked with me, even though others more attractive, thin and muscular than I failed.  There are always parking spaces for me.

Some of the manifestations I consciously have created are, in the grand scheme of things, rather unimportant.  Except, and this is one of the harder aspects of this to grab, the seemingly unimportant things are usually most important.

We love grandiose stories.  The romance where, through impossible odds, the lovers come together; rags to riches; happy endings.  On the other hand, we accept certain truths about how life is supposed to work.  You work five days a week at a job that might leave you unsatisfied because you have to earn money; there are things not talked about in polite society; there are limits and lack all over.

These authors I read and listen to all point out that, with strong focus and iron will, anything is possible.  While that can feel very hard to believe, I still recognize that it is true, and I have been working on doing better at taking my life where I want it to be.

This life is meant to be abundant.

For much of my life I have decided not to decide, chosen to stand at a crossroads but not pick a path, let fears stay my hand.  Yes, there have been shining moments of brilliance where I broke free of this and decided, and the results were incredible.  Now I am working on making this more of a habit.

We live in an abundant universe, with infinite possibility.  We can have pretty much anything we believe we can have.  But society insists that there are limits, and because we’ve been indoctrinated into that idea, escaping it can be challenging.

All of the authors I read and listen to reject the limited universe.  They embrace unlimited potential, possibility, and passion for life.

Yes, some of what their works contain is a bit hard to swallow.  Some of their approaches are uncomfortable, seem like total crap, and to many espouse hippy-crunchy new-agey gobbledegook.  I agree that a lot of what they say is common sense, or aimed at persuading us to enlist in helping them make more money from what they “preach”.

However, the key tenets and ideas, the notion of conscious reality creation, is at the heart of it.  If you brand it as The Law of Attraction or The Secret or whatever, it’s the same thing.  We are all a part of something bigger, and this is part of what it is.

Beware of false equivalencies.

Conscious Reality Creation and the idea that it can make you wealthy is different from the Prosperity Gospel we hear a lot about these days.  Prosperity Gospel relies on the will of God; Conscious Reality Creation relies on ME.  The former is often blindly followed to the exclusion of many, whereas the latter requires ultimate awareness and self-care.

Frequently, Prosperity Gospel has come to imply that only the wealthy, who have gotten rich through faith and atonement offered to God, are worthy of anything.  It is being used to disempower a huge swath of our society, and furthers one of the divides among us.  Conscious Reality Creation is about self-empowerment, for our own good, and through our empowerment we can empower others.  Prosperity Gospel seems much more concerned with monetary wealth than overall abundance.  These are very different ideas.

This life, spent in this meat-suit, is a singular experience.  Since we are energy at our core, we cannot be destroyed, just transmuted to another form.  While I am here I want to experience all that I can, and I want to live joyfully and find illumination every day.  I continue to work at this daily.  And yes, some days are harder than others, but I believe this is worthwhile.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 33:

Diet:  Mostly back on track.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, time at the gym and a couple days of long walks.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done; editing of Harbinger occurred; I did some work on my sci-fi novel over the course of four separate days.

Meditation:  Five of seven days last week, never less than 6 minutes.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things on four days last week.

 

This is the forty-eighth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to click the subscribe button (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted) and sign up for my newsletters!  Thank you!

Why I take Racism and the Like Personally

Though what happened in Charlottesville last weekend did not have a direct effect on me, it is still something I take personally.

Taking it personallyCrossing the Bridges is where I get the most personal, and this week in particular I need to address what I am seeing in this country.

I was born and raised Jewish.  Though I don’t practice the religion at this time, I DO culturally consider myself a Jew.  I am proud of my heritage, and it means a lot to me to be a part of the tribe.

The marchers in Charlottesville represent hate towards me for no reason other than the culture I was born into.  Full stop, that’s the simplicity of this.  And I am not the only one that their message is targeting.

My brother-in-law is black.  My niece is thus bi-racial.  I do not want to see her suffer because she is Jewish, black, and female.  The haters who marched and those who support them will not look too kindly upon her.

That’s the reality of this situation.  The so-called “alt-right”, and their allies in the KKK and neo-Nazis want to watch my family burn because we are not like them.  That is the ugly, unvarnished truth of this matter.  And I cannot help but take this personally.

Five to six million Jews were slaughtered in the Holocaust.  That is a fact.  I will not stand idly by and watch this happen again, not to anyone.  That is why I am writing these words today.

Take a stand.

The United States of America is a land of freedom.  The first amendment protects the right to free speech.   As such, these haters can march and they can protest.  They can assemble and do everything in their power to make people like me fear them.

Yet free speech applies to all of us so-called minorities, too.  We can march and we can protest.  We can assemble and do everything in our power to show these terrible people they will not make us live in fear.

The white supremacists and their allies are NOT the majority.  They are loud, they have monetary sources, and many of them are armed.  Yet the rest of us are the actual majority.  Those of us they stand against – black, Jew, Muslim, Hispanic, Indian, female, transgendered – we are the majority.

Non-violent protest has been proven effective time and again.  So we need to take our stand and unite against this angry, bitter, fearful foe.  We need to counter their protests with sit-ins, non-violent marches, peaceful rallies, and messages such as this empowering us.

We cannot just allow what is happening to continue and to snowball into something darker and more dangerous.  It is up to each and every one of us to express how we feel, and stand up for our rights.  We cannot meet their hate with hate, we need to meet it instead with honor and respect for ourselves.  We need to be empowered to tell them we will not tolerate their intolerance.

If we need to take to the streets and shout them down, together we should do this.  We need to put out more blog posts expressing ourselves and our rights to not be persecuted by these intolerant, self-righteous persons.

Come together.

All of us who are targets of these hate groups need to work together to build better.   We need to come together to show them they cannot take our nation away from us, that it belongs to us ALL, and not just their narrow belief system.  We need to stay strong, we need to work together to educate those who do not understand the danger this represents.

Today I am standing up and saying I am not afraid of you.  I will not be intimidated by your hate.  I am not alone, and my allies and I will show you that we cannot be silenced.  Let’s work together and stop these angry, fearful, intolerant people from doing more harm to our country.

It does not matter if you are male, female, black, white, brown, straight, gay, transgendered, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindi, Buddhist, atheist, Satanist, American, Canadian, Russian, insert-label-of-choice-here – this world belongs to us ALL.  The laws apply to all of us, and we cannot allow them to be usurped and twisted by loud minority groups intent on erasing us.  We have to speak up, and we have to express that we do not accept intolerance.

The blame does not fall on both sides of this argument.

Last, and certainly not least – you cannot equivocate one side with the other.  The “alt-right”, white supremacists, KKK and neo-Nazis have made it very clear that their goal is to eliminate the rest of us in whatever fashion they can do that.  They want to disempower us in every way they can, up to and including murdering us.  We who stand opposite them are not calling for their destruction, which is why one is not the same as the other.

The President is wrong about this, there is not blame on both sides when one side’s stated goal is to destroy the other.   I identify as part of the side that these people want to destroy, and I take that personally.  I will not accept this, and I know that I am not alone.

Join me.  Take a stand.  Be heard.  Let’s show them that hate is not the answer, and we will not live in fear of their intolerance.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 33:

The goal log has not yet been restarted following the Pennsic War.

 

This is the forty-seventh entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to click the subscribe button (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted) and sign up for my newsletters!  Thank you!

How does a non-planner plan?

Making a plan has not always been my strong suit.

I tend to take actions as needed, but planning?  Not so much.

From time to time I will make a plan.  But more often than not, I just go along and do what I need to do.

This is not tremendously compatible with the notion of conscious reality creation.

Make a planTake my writing, for instance.  A friend once told me there are two kinds of writers in the world – planners and pantsers.  Planners will develop detailed worldbuilding, chapter outlines, character biographies and other information before they even start to write the actual story.  Pantsers write by the seat of their pants.  They sit down, and they begin to write out what is in their head.  Along the way you develop character information, the world, even plot information as you go along.

I am a pantser.  I start to write, and along the way I figure out the plot and details of my characters and my worlds and so on.  The Source Chronicles began with a single character and a scene (which in the end appears later in the story as a flashback), then another scene with another character, then another…and then I’m a hundred pages in and the story is developing.

With a few exceptions that is how I write.  One of the wild things about the world of The Vapor Rogues was that, to write the first short story, I had to build a pretty complex world.  The world of The Source Chronicles didn’t get fully fleshed out until I was in the middle of Finder, before Seeker was edited.

The trouble is, conscious reality creation requires planning.

How does a non-planner make a plan?

Despite Pathwalking, the first step I took in developing my conscious reality creation, for over five-and-a-half years, I only recently have started to analyze that my planning skills are lacking.  Sure, I have had ideas for things I want to manifest in my life, but true plans to effect their manifestation have been less forthcoming.

For me, this presents several complications.  I have mentioned before that I tend to get too caught up in figuring out HOW this will all come to pass.  How will I get from this thought I have – I want to be a bestselling author – to manifestation of my idea?  I am feeling it out, I have written the books and published them…so now what?

This is where I have been stuck for a while now.  I know what I want.  I have given it a lot of thought, I have considered and felt what it will feel like to be the success I dream of being.  There have been intentional actions taken, such as editing and publishing my works.  And yet, here I am, barely selling a book or two a week.

This is why it may be necessary for me to consider better my planning.  I can imagine that this will take two distinct forms, but that I need to be careful my planning does not contradict or restrict what the Universe may offer me along the way.

What steps will be involved in my planning?

The first plan has to do with how it will feel to be a success.  I need to sit down and write out what it will feel like to live the life I want.  I’ve written out for myself what it looks like, but not what it feels like.  How will it feel to be working in my home office at my craft?  What will conventions and book signings feel like?  How will seeing my name on the bestseller’s list make me feel?

Once I answer these questions, because of how manifestation works, it’s important that I don’t feel it in the future…I need to feel it NOW.  It has to feel like it’s done, it IS, and that this is the life I have.  That is key to consciously creating reality.

The second plan has to do with what I am doing in the here and now.  This will help me to determine further intentional actions that will allow me to manifest my goal.  I have to plan to take time every day to feel through my thoughts.  I need to envision what my life will look like as if this is the life I am living now.  In doing that I open myself to finding inspiration.  Thus inspired, I gain insight to intentional actions I can take, and from there I give the energy needed to manifest the reality I seek to create.

Writing it out.

Writing out plans and scheduling myself is something of a foreign concept to me.  Yet I can see that this is something that is totally necessary to my wellbeing.  What’s more, this is absolutely a part of the process of conscious reality creation.

The action necessary is to not just say I need to write this out – it’s time to make it happen.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 32:

The goal log has not been fully maintained this week, as I am attending the Pennsic War.

 

This is the forty-sixth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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Why the “How” of things trips me up.

Why does the “how” of it all continue to get in my way?

Two weeks ago I discussed the block I encounter between idea and end goal.  I want to be a bestselling author.  The “how” of the process is what keeps tripping me up, and I think it’s time to dig deeper into why that is.

Conscious reality creation works.  I’ve done it many times, and I intellectually understand it.  One of my greatest issues, though, is emotions, which is part of how I keep stumbling.

exploring the howIn no regard do I blame my parents, certainly not after all this time.  When they divorced nearly four decades ago, to protect myself from feeling hurt and taking undue blame for their divorce, I shunted off my emotions.  I was a smart enough kid to tell the psychologist what the feelings should feel like…but I didn’t actually feel them.  This would go on for over twenty-five years, until a different therapist and I unlocked this matter.

Feelings…nothing more than feelings.

Once I recognized my intellectualization of emotions, rather than feeling them, I was able to start changing things.  Thus I began to work on actually feeling, and from there my life changed.  I started to feel a passion for manifesting what I wanted, I started to approach relationships differently, and this is where I began to build the life I have today.

I have come to believe that while thought and intentional action are important to manifesting things, the key is feeling.  You can’t just think and act on something, you have to FEEL it.  You have to feel certain, sure that it will be.  It is necessary to feel that my thought has been made manifest, and let the Universe deliver.

I always want to know how.

I am a curious person.  Understanding how things work has always been a part of my nature.  There has always been a drive to uncover the truth of things, and to really know “how” the universe works.

There are any number of instances where knowing how things work is useful.  I like knowing how an airplane flies, how my circulation system works, how to change a tire and other information.  But when it comes to manifesting through conscious reality creation, figuring out “how” it works gets in the way.

Simply put, every single book I have read or listened to says the same thing.  You begin with thought, then give that thought feeling, and from there take intentional actions to move things forward.  Simple enough, except often exactly HOW this will work is unknown.

I want to be a bestselling author.  That’s my thought.  I strive to feel what that will feel like, feel how it will affect my life, my moods, my thinking, my finances.  I work to feel it in the now, to really be truly aware of what it feels like.  Then, I take actions that tie in, with the intent of making it manifest.

Questioning how.

How is this going to work?  Then how will I turn my existing work into bestsellers?  How do I make money from this?  Then how do I promote myself to get known?  All of these questions begin with the same word – HOW.  Because I cannot see how to get from where I am to where I want to be, I move forward at a snail’s pace, or less.

The Secret sums up the conscious creation process thus: Ask, Believe, Receive.  Ask for what I want, Believe I already have it, and then Receive it.  I know this is how manifestation works…but I still seek to know more detailed HOW.

Is this a lack of faith?

I am a proponent of logic.  Science and reason offer truth.  However, I am all for faith, but not to the exclusion of reason.  Blind Faith was a great band, but is not a great way to approach life, the universe and everything.

The universe is full of infinite possibility.  My faith in this comes from proof I’ve witnessed with my own eyes, and is not blind.  But my need to understand how, seeking logic and reason in the illogical, causes a paradox that complicates my work to live the life I most desire to.

It all ties into my need to feel more thoroughly.  Faith is a feeling.  I need to have faith that this is possible, and that how it will come about is not something to concern myself with.  I need to feel that this is real, that I have achieved it, and believe that it’s mine.  There needs to be faith that I am capable of manifesting this.  Conscious reality creation.

I know that this will not supplant my need to understand how.  That’s a part of my nature.  But knowing that my preoccupation with “how” interferes with my paths is an important step.  I have become aware of this matter.  Awareness is part of conscious reality creation, so I can work with this to move forward.

Think.  Feel.  Actions.

More meditation.  I need to take more pauses in the day to be truly aware of what I am thinking and feeling, and work on keeping my eye on the prize.  I know I can do this.  There is no need for me to know how, I just need to feel it through.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 31:

The goal log has not been fully maintained this week, as I am attending the Pennsic War.

 

This is the forty-fifth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to click the subscribe button (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted) and sign up for my newsletters!  Thank you!

What Happens When the “Other Shoe” Drops?

When the other shoe drops, do you pick it up?

I have been anticipating this situation for several months now.  I had hoped to depart on my own terms, but I suspected this was coming.  So it was not much of a surprise.

The job I have held for the past year, and been duly grateful for, has come to an end.  Now my eight hours a day in a place where I was all-too-often bored, and frequently unhappy, is no more.

I am not upset nor angry about this.  Rather, I am seeing it as an opportunity to move my life forward.  Consciousness creates reality, and I know what it is I want to create.  There are bridges I want to cross, and cross them I will.

Since I was let go from the job, I have made excellent use of my time.  A while back I created a schedule I called A Day in the Life – The Life I Most Desire.  In that schedule I laid out my work day (starting at 8:30am), giving myself time for writing and editing, exercise, reading, lunch.  I even gave myself time to goof off in the morning, play games, put my brain in gear at my own pace.

How will this make me money?  That is not what I am currently focused on.  I am concerned with living life in the manner I have long desired, and from this action find everything I need to live as fully as I can.

Can I sustain this?  That remains to be seen.  I am striving to find a way, because this is how I want my life to be.

Can I make money doing what I love?

This is the elephant in the room, the question that most needs to be answered.  Can I work this all out so that I will make money doing this?  How can I make this happen?  Is there a way I can get this blog to make money; more books to sell; other options that involve writing for money?

The first step in manifestation is believing.  Faith, which I mentioned before, is important to conscious reality creation.  Most of all, faith in myself as a creator, and from there faith in the Universe.  Faith in my belief in conscious reality creation and manifestation.

I know that this works, as I have made it work before.  I need to apply it to now, to my life as it currently is, and to become whom I want to be.  To do that I have to think it, feel it, take actions like following this schedule I created to make it so.

The Secret approaches conscious reality creation with different words – Ask, Believe and Receive.  Action for the thought – ask; for the feeling, believe; for the intentional action, receive.  In thinking about this life I want to live, I am asking of myself to become a professional, full-time writer.  When it comes to feeling, I am believing that I have made this manifest.  Lastly, my actions are a reflection of my receiving what I have asked for.

Where do I go from here?

Now that I am not spending most of my waking hours in a place where I was unhappy, I am better able to feel positive, to feel how it feels to succeed at what I want.  Yes, I could dwell on the loss of my salary and changes to my benefits, but in what way will that be healthy?  I instead am making a choice to take this situation and make the very best of it that I can.

Life is too short to spend so much of it unhappy.  How come we accept so readily that this is what work is meant to be?  I know that I need to make money to pay for the things I want and need in life, but do I have to miserable making it?  Why do we so easily accept that at face value?

I think somewhere along the way we, as a society, have lost sight of what we work for.  We are not on this planet for the limited time we get to be here just to go through the motions, we are here to live.  We are here to experience life, good and bad, up and down, in all its amazing glory.  Spending eight or more hours every day in a place that leaves us exhausted, unhappy and stressed does not make any sense.

Yet we all know that we have to earn money, and to earn money we have to work.  The goal is often to earn as much money as possible, and that being the case we will take the jobs that pay the most and offer the best benefits, even when they do not make us happy.  That’s the standard way we do it.

I am not a standard person.

I have never been “normal”, whatever that means.  My life has regularly involved partaking of a different path, a unique way of being – sometimes by choice, but in my youth more often by circumstance.  For example, I didn’t choose for my parents to divorce when it was an uncommon thing in the 1980’s.  It was not my choice to be a part of the relatively small Jewish community in the ‘burbs of Minneapolis, surrounded by a majority of Lutherans.  I chose to pursue theatre in my high school rather than with the local JCC.  Then I chose to be the only graduate of my HS to attend Ithaca College in New York State.

Before I understood intentional actions and conscious reality creation, I frequently did unusual things.  I made choices that were entirely my own.  But due to my lack of understanding about conscious reality creation, I frequently have experienced being the square peg attempting to fit into the round hole.  I need to leave no room for doubt, and create the life I most desire.

Sometimes this is more challenging than not, but I am going to make it work.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 30:

Diet:  I’ve been pretty good this week overall, following a weekend of not as good.

Exercise:  Fencing one day, four days of various exercise at the gym, and an afternoon of swimming.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done; editing of Harbinger occurred; I did some work on my sci-fi novel.

Meditation:  Five of seven days last week, never less than 5 minutes.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things on five days last week.

 

This is the forty-fourth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to click the subscribe button (even if you did so before the blog was reformatted) and sign up for my newsletters!  Thank you!

Why Do I Write?

I write on a lot of different topics.

It all began when I was nine, and I wrote (and illustrated) a 50 page sci-fi story.  I wrote a few other bits and pieces along the way.  Then I learned to type, and I started typing sci-fi works.  Then I started to write fantasy.

I began The Source Chronicles in 1998.  There was a scene, followed by another scene, then another.  In time I had a novel.  The novel became a series, which I am continuing to work on (all-too-slowly, though).

I don’t recall when, but I started blogging from time to time on LiveJournal.  Eventually, I started this blog, and now I post three times a week on different aspects of conscious reality creation.

I have mentioned on more than one occasion that I write in more than one genre.  One of the reasons I began these posts was to build the bridges between them, to better express myself as a writer.

For a long time I did not call myself a writer.  I would write things, both for work and for my own pleasure, but I didn’t call myself writer.  Then I got my first short story published, and from there my own self-talk changed.  I began to think, hey, I AM a writer.

Why, if I’ve written about this before am I bringing it up once again?  Because I am still working on my own doubts, my own skepticism, my own fears that I am only a pretender to the title.

What IS a writer?

I have a talent for getting caught up in my own head.  I question things, I doubt, I get skeptical, I get distracted.  For much of my life I saw the definition of a writer as either a published journalist, or a published author.  Anything in between was a pretender, a wannabe, a hobbyist.  That’s where I placed myself for some time.

Coupled with that, for years and years I did not know what I truly wanted from my life.  I spent a couple of decades exploring ideas, considering options.  I left college with a degree that I had no real use for in the workplace.  Here I was with different talents and skills and ideas, but limited drive and a host of fears holding me back.  There was much bouncing from job to job, but little consistency.

Yet I kept coming back to writing.  No matter what I was doing, somewhere along the way I was writing.  I would blog, I would work on The Source Chronicles, I would be doing something to put words to the page.  It took me a while to recognize that I AM a writer, because this is what I love and how I want to identify myself.

Further, there was the realization that, while I have always found writing in almost every form easy, for many it is not.  Even people I know to be good writers of their own accord come to me for my work, or to edit theirs.

What is a writer?  I no longer define a writer as a published journalist or author.  A writer writes because it is what they do.  A writer is someone who expresses themselves with words in such a way as to evoke understanding, feeling, thought and maybe even inspiration.  Sometimes this is simply a matter of self expression, and sometimes it’s to provide help to others.  I am a writer.

What identifying as a writer means to me.

It is my goal to become a bestselling author.  But more than that, it is my goal to be able to make my living as a writer.  That’s not an easy task.

So far, sales of my books are hobbyist, at best.  I sell a few e books here and there, a paperback or two…but my sales, while all appreciated, are not sufficient to produce steady income.  This blog has not reached that point, either.   Consciousness creates reality, but it requires focus.  I have thought about what I want, felt out what it will feel like, and taken actions to move it all forward.  Yet due to my need to understand the HOW of it, I move forward only at a snail’s pace.

Why does the “how” of it all get in my way?  Because manifesting any goal relies on trusting the Universe to work out the “how”.  For example, medical science told me that surgeries and long periods of time would heal me completely.  I refused to accept that it would take so long as they thought, and though I had no concept of HOW to accelerate my healing, I knew, unquestionably, that it would be so.  They told me it would be 1-3 years before I’d walk again – yet I was walking after 7 months.  The “how” of the speed of my recovery never even crossed my mind, I just knew it would BE.

How is the purview of the Universe.

This is the only aspect of “how” in regards to conscious reality creation.  Thought, feeling, intentional actions, and let the rest fall into place as needs be.  But due to my own skeptical nature, and some well-intentioned resistance, I keep trying to wrap my head around “how” this will happen.  How will I be able to make the money I need to make my living as a writer?

This warrants further examination.  I have no answers today, but questions to consider and further explore.

As always, thank you for Crossing the Bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 29:

Diet:  Still maintaining less carbs and sugars.

Exercise:  Fencing one day, three days of a single lap around the small lake.  One more day with a ton of walking.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done.

Meditation:  Six of seven days last week, never less than 6 minutes (save one day with only 2 minutes).

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things on every day last week.

 

This is the forty-third entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to click the subscribe button and sign up for my newsletters!  Thank you!

 

What Have I Done With Challenges?

Some challenges are better than others.

As I have mentioned before, the reason why this blog is called The Ramblings of a Titanium Don is due to two reasons. A title I get to assume from the Society for Creative Anachronism (the medieval re-enactment society I’ve been a part of for over 25 years); and the three titanium plates holding together my right clavicle.

Me, NYE 1999/2000. I am in a wheelchair in this picture.

In case you missed this: On the last day of November, 1999, I was struck by a car crossing a street a quarter-mile from home.   I suffered pretty severe injuries to my right leg, right clavicle, and nerve damage to my right arm.  What followed was a year of serious recovery and therapy, and some pretty wicked scars.

Yes, it was a hit-and-run.  No, they never caught the driver.  Now, nearly 18 years later, unless I show you the impressive scars (or you manage to hit the titanium plate with a sword while fencing against me) you wouldn’t know how broken I was.

Important life lessons were learned.

As I was starting my recovery, I discovered that there were three primary ways to live life.

  1. Go with the flow.  Let life live you.  Go about the routine, let time have its way with you and the natural ebb and flow of life carry you along.
  2. Curl up in a ball and wait for death.  Don’t experience life, complain about everything, blame everyone else, pray for the afterlife but mostly avoid this lifetime.
  3. Grab life like the proverbial bull by the horns, and take it for ride.  Make choices, take chances, fight and push and manifest what you desire.

I quickly learned that I preferred option 3.  My recovery surprised and delighted my therapists, my doctors, and my family and friends.  I defied expectations of both the speed of my recovery, and the totality of it.  It was during this period of my life that I came to recognize the power of consciousness creating reality.  I knew only one option.  There was no other choice.  I would walk again normally, I would fence again.  Hell, I would even run again with a fused tibia/fibula in my right leg.

This incident would redefine my life.  Over the course of the next decade and a half I shaped my life philosophy, and majorly embraced conscious reality creation to manifest my desires.  It’s not been without its struggles, and challenges, but it has redefined me in all sorts of unexpected ways.

Using the past to improve the present and future.

Every November there is a wonderful contest called National Novel Writer’s Month (NaNoWriMo).  The challenge: Compose a 50,000 word novelette in 30 days.  The prize:  The satisfaction of completing such a work.  I have faced this challenge several years, and completed a couple works (such as Vortex Pilgrimage).

In 2006, my second attempt at NaNoWriMo, I was debating what to write.  Several friends suggested that I should write out the story of my accident and recovery.  In particular many of the bits that had become some pretty funny stories years later.  I think we determined it might be an inspirational and humorous read for people.

This took my out of my comfort zone in several ways.  I was working a genre I did not normally do.  At that time I wrote sci-fi and fantasy more-or-less exclusively.  I also determined, because of the nature of the tale, to write in first person.  I normally work in third person perspective.

Most of all…there was a LOT of potential for embarrassment.  Yes, on the one hand I had this amazing recovery going on.  On the other, I was doing some rather uncool things (like cheating on my girlfriend).  How would this be received, not only by those involved in the story (even with the names changed), but by anyone who read it?

The very definition of Crossing the Bridges.

Suffice it to say, I wrote the story out.  I gave it an edit or two, and when I put up my author page, I included it in PDF for download.  When we first started dating my wife read it…and despite my less-than-chivalrous actions portrayed in the story, she stayed with me.

For a long time I have resisted sharing this.  Even though I have been told by several who read it this is one of my best works, I’ve been uncomfortable with taking it to a wider audience.  One reason is because I feared it might actually BE one of my best works.

What’s that all about?  Well, for a long time I was a sci-fi and fantasy writer.  It was these genres in which I most wished to be known.  I had a hard time wrapping my head around the notion of becoming known for anything else.

I am getting over that.  Hence this blog, and hence why I have finally have edited, and subsequently published The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins With a Trip to the Post Office.

A sordid, funny, hopefully inspirational tale.

I hope you will consider getting a copy of my book, read, enjoy, and please review it!  I poured more of my heart and soul into this particular work, and told the story as truly as I could.  As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me!

 

GOAL LOG – Week 28:

Diet:  Onwards and forwards.

Exercise:  Fencing two days, two days of a single lap around the small lake.  One day with a ton of walking.

Writing:  The three blog posts were done.

Meditation:  Five of seven days last week, never less than 6 minutes.

Gratitude:  I expressed gratitude for 5 things on three days last week.

 

This is the forty-second entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

Please take a moment to click the subscribe button and sign up for my newsletters!  Thank you!

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