I have a pretty good idea about who I am.
Yes, in some respects I am two people – one in the real world, one in the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) – but overall, I am simply me.
I wrote about this yesterday at my author website. But one of the bridges that I am frequently working with is the one between MJ and Malcolm. Who I am and what I do in the SCA versus the mundane world, while they have some differences, are still the same.
For example, in the SCA I am a teacher, both of rapier combat and court heraldry. In the real world, I am also a teacher, though it’s on my philosophy of conscious reality creation and manifesting what I want for my life.
The thing is, no matter which bridge I may be crossing, the person who is crossing them is unchanged. My goals at every destination are the same.
Help people live the best they can. Inspire. Be a force for good. Be happy. Ultimately, that is what I most want to achieve in my life, and what I want to find across all the bridges.
To know who I am is to know what I am able to do. It is surprisingly easy to lose track of who I am, though. Why? Because as a social creature, I often find myself reflecting or attempting to reflect what I think others want of me. To find validation, I often give too much importance to what other people think of me. It’s good to be seen as a force for good rather than one of ill, but who I am in my heart of hearts is where that truly lies.
Who I am is who I want to be.
From time to time, in addition to the conscious reality creation focus of this blog, I post something political. Why? Because I feel the need to share, and hope that maybe in doing so I can do more to help improve the world I live in.
Yes, I have things that I want for myself. I want to be happy, I want to have my novels get turned into film and TV shows, I want to help my wife start the business of her dreams. But I don’t do the things I do just for myself. I do them because I want to inspire, to entertain, to help people also be the most that they can be.
It occurred to me recently that I have to continue to work on improving my self-talk. This is the stuff I think about myself in my own head. When I think poorly of myself, and unwell of who I am, this tends to further distance me from whom I wish to be.
Consciousness creates reality. I cannot write this out enough times. What we give our focus to is what we create in this world. We make it manifest. Sometimes it’s a slow burn, and sometimes it’s just right there. We can create both good and bad for ourselves, depending on what we give our focus to.
I know that I have made this work in the past. How? By believing in nothing but the outcome I wanted to manifest. There was no doubt, no negative self-talk. There was one, and only one end in my vision.
One of the greatest obstacles I face now is my self-thought and self-talk. What I subconsciously think about my self is what I believe. To achieve what I want, that needs to be addressed.
Who do I think I am?
What I think of myself inside my own head can sometimes be problematic. I get annoyed at myself for my failings, real and perceived. I get frustrated when I do not accomplish all that I might set out to do in a given day. There are times I envision myself as fat, lazy, wacky, and unworthy of achieving anything I might desire.
Thinking of myself in this way is not healthy. Nor will it allow me to build what I am wanting to build. How can I manifest who I want to be when I think poorly of myself?
I need to continue to work on this. I need to think about myself positively, and not berate myself for any shortcomings, real or perceived. When I have consciously created my reality in the past, all of my focus, both conscious and subconscious, was on a singular outcome. I know I can do this – I have done it before.
No matter what world I work in, no matter what bridges I am crossing, I know who I am. I need to be nicer to myself, think better of myself, and I will succeed. I need to do a better job of being conscious of what I am thinking about subconsciously, and to change the narrative when it is not for my betterment.
This will require more focus. I’ve done it before, and I can do it again. The key is to not knock myself down mentally and emotionally when I err, and to see anything that is not what I want as a temporary setback, and an opportunity to take-away something good.
As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.
GOAL LOG – Week 38:
Diet: Mostly back on track, but not so good about writing it out.
Exercise: Fencing two days, but not much else.
Writing: Lots of blog posts, some work on the sci-fi story.
Meditation: Several days last week, never less than 9 minutes.
Gratitude: I was not tracking my gratitude.
This is the fifty-third entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series. My collectively published writing can be found here.