Why does the “how” of it all continue to get in my way?

Two weeks ago I discussed the block I encounter between idea and end goal.  I want to be a bestselling author.  The “how” of the process is what keeps tripping me up, and I think it’s time to dig deeper into why that is.

Conscious reality creation works.  I’ve done it many times, and I intellectually understand it.  One of my greatest issues, though, is emotions, which is part of how I keep stumbling.

exploring the howIn no regard do I blame my parents, certainly not after all this time.  When they divorced nearly four decades ago, to protect myself from feeling hurt and taking undue blame for their divorce, I shunted off my emotions.  I was a smart enough kid to tell the psychologist what the feelings should feel like…but I didn’t actually feel them.  This would go on for over twenty-five years, until a different therapist and I unlocked this matter.

Feelings…nothing more than feelings.

Once I recognized my intellectualization of emotions, rather than feeling them, I was able to start changing things.  Thus I began to work on actually feeling, and from there my life changed.  I started to feel a passion for manifesting what I wanted, I started to approach relationships differently, and this is where I began to build the life I have today.

I have come to believe that while thought and intentional action are important to manifesting things, the key is feeling.  You can’t just think and act on something, you have to FEEL it.  You have to feel certain, sure that it will be.  It is necessary to feel that my thought has been made manifest, and let the Universe deliver.

I always want to know how.

I am a curious person.  Understanding how things work has always been a part of my nature.  There has always been a drive to uncover the truth of things, and to really know “how” the universe works.

There are any number of instances where knowing how things work is useful.  I like knowing how an airplane flies, how my circulation system works, how to change a tire and other information.  But when it comes to manifesting through conscious reality creation, figuring out “how” it works gets in the way.

Simply put, every single book I have read or listened to says the same thing.  You begin with thought, then give that thought feeling, and from there take intentional actions to move things forward.  Simple enough, except often exactly HOW this will work is unknown.

I want to be a bestselling author.  That’s my thought.  I strive to feel what that will feel like, feel how it will affect my life, my moods, my thinking, my finances.  I work to feel it in the now, to really be truly aware of what it feels like.  Then, I take actions that tie in, with the intent of making it manifest.

Questioning how.

How is this going to work?  Then how will I turn my existing work into bestsellers?  How do I make money from this?  Then how do I promote myself to get known?  All of these questions begin with the same word – HOW.  Because I cannot see how to get from where I am to where I want to be, I move forward at a snail’s pace, or less.

The Secret sums up the conscious creation process thus: Ask, Believe, Receive.  Ask for what I want, Believe I already have it, and then Receive it.  I know this is how manifestation works…but I still seek to know more detailed HOW.

Is this a lack of faith?

I am a proponent of logic.  Science and reason offer truth.  However, I am all for faith, but not to the exclusion of reason.  Blind Faith was a great band, but is not a great way to approach life, the universe and everything.

The universe is full of infinite possibility.  My faith in this comes from proof I’ve witnessed with my own eyes, and is not blind.  But my need to understand how, seeking logic and reason in the illogical, causes a paradox that complicates my work to live the life I most desire to.

It all ties into my need to feel more thoroughly.  Faith is a feeling.  I need to have faith that this is possible, and that how it will come about is not something to concern myself with.  I need to feel that this is real, that I have achieved it, and believe that it’s mine.  There needs to be faith that I am capable of manifesting this.  Conscious reality creation.

I know that this will not supplant my need to understand how.  That’s a part of my nature.  But knowing that my preoccupation with “how” interferes with my paths is an important step.  I have become aware of this matter.  Awareness is part of conscious reality creation, so I can work with this to move forward.

Think.  Feel.  Actions.

More meditation.  I need to take more pauses in the day to be truly aware of what I am thinking and feeling, and work on keeping my eye on the prize.  I know I can do this.  There is no need for me to know how, I just need to feel it through.

As always, thank you for crossing the bridges with me.

 

GOAL LOG – Week 31:

The goal log has not been fully maintained this week, as I am attending the Pennsic War.

 

This is the forty-fifth entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series.  My collectively published writing can be found here.

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