Virtually everything in life can be a learning opportunity.
Frequently we do not realize it at the time…but once in a while you get a rare glimpse at the process, and get to be fully and completely aware as it occurs.
I have been coping with a situation for a bit more than a week now, which I am going to share with you. I am deeply grateful for the job I have currently, but while I appreciate having it, it is not always the best fit for me. So, as such, I look through various job boards from time to time to see if I can find something better.
During one search last week, I came across a surprising job. MY job. Like, actually, factually MY job. This is not something you want to see, in especial when you are pretty certain that, overall, you’ve been doing a good job.
I immediately fretted about this. I mean, c’mon, it’s hard NOT to jump to conclusions. But then I reanalyzed it, and thought, ok, maybe this means they are going to promote me or shift my duties, or they are going to take this other hire or myself to the satellite office we’re supposedly opening shortly.
Still, I became paranoid at work. Every whisper, every subtle and strange occurrence set me on edge. I alternated much of the past few days between upset, scared, angry, uncertain, confused, and outright discombobulated.
Then it hit me. This is just a test. I applied the idea Jen Sincero shares in You Are a Badass of taking a “this is good because” view. Upon shifting my attitude to that ideal, I started to feel far, far better. More confident, in fact, than I have in quite some time.
My immediate supervisor made noises about getting calls about that job listing, claiming to me that it was a mistake, and to redirect further calls to her. Even heard her take one such call and explain it was a mistake, and no job was available.
Yet my wife pointed out that the job listing is STILL there. Mistake…or is someone playing a truly weird game of telephone at my office? Either is entirely possible…but the important thing is that I DO NOT CARE.
It does not matter to me if I walk in Monday and they take me aside and fire me…or if my job goes on, same as today, same as every day. This is good because either I am supposed to move on and find something better or do something I WANT to do…or this is good because I continue to collect my paycheck and rebuild my confidence.
That’s the thing about all of this. For a long time I lost a good deal of my confidence in myself, in my goals, in crossing those bridges and doing what I want with this life. This job, though imperfect, is a good job. I am grateful to have it, grateful for the pay and benefits, grateful that it has allowed me the opportunity to see that I can have a more abundant life.
I am finally coming to grips with what it is I really, truly want from my life. I am finally beginning to truly visualize that life, to gain clarity about what I want it to be. I am finally seeing that life not as something coming up or something down the line, but now. This is the life I can have here and now – I just have to give it the right focused thought, the positive feeling, and take any intentional actions I can along the way.
The lesson I have learned from all of this is to not let past matters even enter into my present, and not to get so focused on possible but unknown outcomes for the future. Here and now I have endless possibility and opportunity. Here and I now I can accept that that which is out of my control I can find the good in, even when on the surface it looks bad.
I do not know what Monday will bring. I am no longer concerned about it, though. What will be, will be. Either way, I am well and truly on my way, developing the life I most desire, creating now the world I want to live in.
Sure there are things out there I am discontent with. There is some unbelievable stuff happening to the nation I call home. All of these things cannot be ignored, and I will donate to worthy causes and participate in protests and boycotts and marches as appropriate for me. But I have to continue to live the best life for myself that I can, because all I have is MY life. Further, the happier I am in my life, the happier I can help those I care about be with theirs.
This is a new perspective, and I have never felt more prepared to tackle the challenges I might face. I see what I want, and I can see it as mine…now I am getting ready to accept it all.
Thanks for taking this journey with me. As always, thank you for crossing the bridges between my worldswith me!
GOAL LOG – Week 8:
Diet: Continuing with being mindful about what and how much I am eating.
Exercise: Three days of fencing, one at the gym.
Writing: The three blogs got written.
Meditation: I meditated 2 days last week for about 5-6 minutes.
Gratitude: I only wrote out 5 things one day last week.
This is the twenty-second entry of my personal journey, the Crossing the Bridges series. My collectively published writing can be found here.