The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Month: May 2013

Pathwalking 74

Some days it feels utterly impossible to walk a path of my own choosing.

There are days when the notion of living a life of my own choosing seems equally dissatisfying as letting life live me.  It just seems like too much work, too much effort, too much focus.

I sit in front of my computer, pondering researching something or writing something or some other useful thing…and I have no desire.  Expending any effort seems like a struggle.

I move around.  I try to meditate, cannot focus, unfocus, or sit still.  I try to read, and find that the words cannot hold my attention.  I attempt to watch TV, and the distraction does not interest me.  I try to nap, I cannot remain sedentary.  I think I want to eat, food provides no solace.  I go to the gym, and every aspect of my workout routine feels unwieldy.

Cannot think clearly.  Unable to focus.  Don’t want to be stopped in one place, don’t want to be active.  Pathwalking?  That seems abstract when doing ANYTHING is a total challenge.

I think everyone experiences days like this.  For some people it manifests differently, of course.  It is not depression, it is akin to finding yourself in a waking void.  I am barely able to hold thoughts in my head, let alone interact with anyone.

Where does such a space come from, and why does this come about?  That’s the question I am asking myself.  Is it because of the grey and rain today, or are they just magnifying the effect?  Why am I easily distracted, yet unable to devote my attention to anything?  What will it take for me to get back on a path – any path at all?

It is a very disconcerting sensation.  I do not know why I am feeling like this, and I am at a loss for how to resolve it.  What will make me feel connected again, what will make me feel better?

Through trial and error, I have found a couple things that are allowing me to reconnect.

Busywork.  I have found some necessary projects that have occupied me, allowed me to focus.  They are mostly mindless, relatively tedious things, but they are still reconnecting me with the world, at least for a brief time.

Reflection.  Allowing myself to just BE in this odd void.  Sitting, contemplating, just going with the lack of connection.  This is not easy, because it is a VERY disconcerting sensation…but this is still allowing me to keep my head screwed on, more or less.

Analysis.  Is there some reason I am feeling this?  Is it related to atmospheric conditions like rain and barometric pressure, too little sleep, dietary choices, sunspots?  Before this disassociation hit was I feeling down or sad or tired or unhappy or any other notable emotion?

I am finding that if I resist this, it makes it worse.  I feel more and more disconnected as I fight against the feeling.

I am loved.  I make my own choices for how I want to live, and what I want to do with my life.  I am a Pathwalker.  And though it may be a day where the path is impossible to discern and I cannot choose, it is just a day.

One of the important things about Pathwalking is living day to day.  The Path varies, it changes, it shifts, but every day is new, every day is different, every day has new potential, new opportunity.

If today is a day of disconnect, this is just today.  Tomorrow is another day.

How do you cope with off days like this?


This is the seventy-fourth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.

Pathwalking 73

We are all creators.  We live in the world we make.

This is so very easy to disbelieve.  Circumstances put us in places we never wanted to be, and we don’t always live in the world we would make.  But the statement is still true.

If you will it, it is no dream.”  – Theodore Herzl

I Pathwalk because I do not want to be a victim of circumstance, and I want to make my own world.  I want to make my own choices, so that I might live the life I most desire.  I want to live my life my own way.

Author David Eddings created a mode of sorcery in his Belgariad and Malloreon series of fantasy books.  It is in many ways the ultimate statement of the concept of The Secret or the Law of Attraction and the notion that consciousness creates reality: sorcery in his world is created using The Will and The Word.  You have to focus your willpower on what it is you desire to achieve, then speak a word to bring it about.

This is not so far from the truth as you might think.  We are capable of creating and shaping our lives, and the world around us.  The only limitations are those we set upon ourselves.

Bullshit.  We are limited by finances, by age, by education, and other things beyond our control.  Henry Ford addressed these perceptions best – “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Maybe the present experience is not what you want.  Maybe you are unhappy with your employment, maybe you are broke, maybe you have soreness and stiffness in your joints due to your age.  But these things are not out of your control.  You can seek new employment, you can find ways to fix and increase your financial standing, you can do things that will take away the aches and pains of age.

Again, bullshit.  No one can control everything.  This is true.  But we can control how we feel.  And from controlling how we feel, we can build better.  No, you cannot just think positively and hope for the best, you have to FEEL positively, and do things to make yourself happy.  Action is necessary.

The universe is about feeling.  Thought alone is not sufficient, you need to have the will, and FEEL these things you want into existence.  And in a world where we are taught that emotion is weakness, where we see strength in cold logic, this is a very difficult process.

Skeptics and cynics abound today.  We are everywhere, and we are increasingly jaded by the barrage of bad news about the economies of the world, corrupt politics, inequality, war, murder, famine, disease and other awful things.  But we cannot let the news of the things we have no direct control of stop us from controlling what we can.

We can choose to let the news make us feel bad, make us angry, make us skeptical and cynical.  Or we can choose to let it go, to not hang on to it, and to instead focus on things that make us happy, and on things that let us make our lives as we want them.

Well isn’t that just selfish?  Shouldn’t you be aware of the problems of the world and look for how to fix them?  No.  It is not selfish to make your own choices in life, and to walk the path you desire to.  You cannot fix the problems of the world when you are not happy with the choices you have made for your own life.

And frankly – choosing my own path affects a wider world.  I choose my destiny, I choose to find and create my own happiness, and maybe I inspire you to do the same.  From there, you choose to find and create your own happiness, and inspire someone else.  And they do the same, and inspire another.  And another.  And another.  And through our work to make our own lives better, we spread it far and wide.

That is what I share Pathwalking for.  I don’t want you to follow me, I don’t need you to do things as I do them.  I want to share my experience, share my philosophy, and maybe inspire you to see the world for its endless possibilities, and to find and create your own happiness.

Think globally, act locally.  If, as I have postulated before, we are all energy, and all thus at our core the same, then an act on a purely personal level to make ourselves happier can and will  have a wider impact.  We can show others around us that they, too, can be Pathwalkers.  And from us, it can spread out and help more people live a life of their own choosing.

“We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.” – Willy Wonka, from Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Are you creating the life you most desire for yourself?


This is the seventy-third entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.

Pathwalking 72

Time factors into so very many aspects of our lives.

So many of the things we do in our day are dictated to us by time.  There is a time to sleep, a time to wake, a time to eat, a time to work, a time to play, time for this, time for that.

And of course, on the other side, there is a lack of time.  Running late, out of time, too late, the time is getting away from me, there aren’t enough hours in the day, no time left, etc.

Then, just to add another wrinkle into this, we are a society of instant gratification.  We don’t want it now, we want it ten minutes ago.  The internet can provide us with answers to our questions instantaneously.  You don’t have to go home to make a phone call – you just grab your mobile phone and dial.  We want what we want as soon as we can possibly get it, and we often expect that will be the way of it.

Time, if we let it, can interfere with our ability to make choices in our lives.  Because so many aspects of our lives feel effected by time, we often make time a limiting factor.

Time is nothing more than perception.  Ever notice how sometimes an hour feels like five minutes and five minutes can feel like an hour?  Time as we measure it in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months is also somewhat arbitrary.  We adjust the “time” twice a year in the United States for “Daylight Savings”.  Nothing changes, just the measure as we talk about it.

I am not anti-time.  Time lets us perceive the past from the present and the future.  Time is a part of how we see growth and change in ourselves and those around us.

But it is all-too-easy to be ensnared by time.  We get caught up in looking at the clock so that we know when to go to work, tune in to that TV show we love, that phone call we promised at that time, and so on.  And before you know it, time dictates every day, sometimes down to the most minute measure.

I used to be a clock-watcher.  I still, more than a decade after regularly wearing a watch, have a faint line on my wrist from summer tans long ago.  Back then, I always NEEDED to know the time.  I needed to be able to glance at my wrist, so I could tell the time.  I had to have the knowledge so that I would not miss anything at all.

And yet I was notoriously late for everything.  Late for appointments, late for work, late to this that and the other thing.  I was seldom, if ever, on time.  I even joked frequently that I was never more than ten minutes late – and yet, late I remained, even with that knowledge.

Somewhere along the way, I decided that I no longer needed to always know the time.  Sure, my mobile phone can tell me the time instantly, but unlike the watch frequently glanced at my wrist, I am not always taking my phone from my pocket and checking the time.  And I am amazed by how much this has freed me.

I am much better at being on time to places I need to be.  I also am much better about not stressing out about having to be somewhere at some time and such.  And I am amazed how much easier it is to feel in control of my life now that I don’t let time dictate so many aspects of it.

And that is the trick.  When you allow time and thoughts of timeliness or lack thereof, time will dictate your life in ways you might not even realizing it is doing it.  Time becomes a weight, slowing and even dragging you down.  Time is an issue, a problem, a tangible thing that must be acknowledged and dealt with.

But, like with all aspects of Pathwalking, we have control over how we handle and perceive time.  We can use it to be where we need and want to be when we need and want to be there.  We can make and keep appointments.  Time in the right setting is an extremely necessary tool.  Like pretty much everything else in the world, time is something best consumed in moderation.

The elephant in the room with regards to time and Pathwalking that I have not addressed is this: How long will it take?  How long will I have to wait for the results of the choices I make by Pathwalking to make me happier?  How long does it take for consciousness to create reality?  How much time does this take?

It is a matter of perception.  If you are Pathwalking, working to consciously create your reality, and care only about the goal – you have missed the majority of what Pathwalking is about.  Choices are frequent.  We make choices all the time.  Pathwalking is about taking control of our choices as often as we can do so.  Rather than let life make your choices for you, you choose them.  And so, as such, time in this matter is irrelevant.

How long will it take?  That depends entirely on what “it” is.  But if “it” is Pathwalking, then the answer should probably be – the rest of my life.  And that is not something to lament, it is something to celebrate.  This is a joyful thing.  Because I am a Pathwalker, and as I choose my life for myself, the answer is – I have all the time I need.

How do you perceive time?


This is the seventy-second entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.

Pathwalking 71

Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Luck is an interesting topic.  Many people believe that it is luck, good or bad, that makes our lives.

Luck of the draw.  Luck of the Irish.  Good luck.  Bad luck.  Lucky in love.  Unlucky in love.

Pathwalking is about finding and making your own path in life.  Luck has nothing to do with this.

Yes, I will not deny that sometimes it is “luck” that gets a person where they wish to be.  But cause and effect and actions are far more powerful than hoping for luck.

People talk about being in the “right place at the right time” in regards to luck.  But I think it is much more effective to find the place and make the time than to just hope it will come together.

Consciousness creates reality.  And as such, if you believe you are lucky, or you believe you are unlucky, you’re right.

The trouble with luck is the same issue most people have with life itself.  Rather than MAKE your own choices and plans, you let life live you.  You go along with the routine, letting whatever will happen, happen, not choosing for yourself what you want.  And some people will get what they want this way, but happenstance is not the same as choice.

Luck is the same thing.  Good luck or bad, it is a perception that is colored wholly by your own life experience.  And you cannot control luck, because it is chaotic and random.

Some people wait to “get lucky”.  They play the lottery.  They make no move or take no action to have a life as they want it, they simply hope “luck” will find them, and what they want will fall into their lap.

The biggest problem with this, though, is that dependence on luck is not satisfying.  Sure, it’s nice to be lucky and win a prize or inherit a large sum of money…but there is also a hollowness to this, because we do not and cannot control the circumstances.  And that is why studies show people who win vast sums of money, rather than earn it, are more likely to squander, spend, or lose it as randomly and quickly as they came by it.

There is something about the superstition that surrounds the notion of luck that has a broad appeal.  We root for the “hard luck case” to succeed in TV and movies frequently.  We carry a rabbit’s foot, we look in a patch of clover for a four-leafer.  It is easy to fall into the trap of luck as a tangible, desirable thing to attain.

But it is utterly intangible.  Luck is what you believe it to be.  And it is very easy to get caught up in the notion that some people are born lucky, whilst others are not.  But luck is a choice that can be made.

If you choose to believe you have bad luck, then I would bet more often than not your luck is less-than-stellar?  Now if, on the other hand, you choose to believe you are a lucky person, what do you think the odds become of THAT becoming your life experience?

The best luck of all is the luck you make for yourself.”  – Douglas MacArthur.

As with all aspects of Pathwalking, it is about choice.  Choosing to hope you will “get lucky” is pretty much the equivalent of NOT choosing your own path.

We Pathwalk because we want to make our lives in the way we most desire.  I do the things I do because I am choosing to do them.  I don’t just want to dream my dreams – I want to live them.  And while good luck in the process may be helpful, it will be of far greater value to make my own luck along the way.

How does luck factor into your path?


This is the seventy-first entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.


Pathwalking 70

One of the most often used phrases people throw around is “forgive, but don’t forget.”  While many are champions of applying this to others in their lives, this is somewhere many of us fail at when it comes to ourselves.

Last week I talked about the “forgive” portion of this, but did not get into the “don’t forget” aspect.  To put it simply, the importance of forgiving without forgetting is to avoid repetition in errors.

I can forgive myself for screwing up however I erred.  But if I forget the action, forget the error, there is an increased chance that I might repeat it.  So while I need to forgive myself, it is imperative that I do not forget.

This seems very simple, doesn’t it?  Trouble is, surprise surprise, it is not.  It is human nature to try to erase the things we do not want in our lives.  Rather than focusing on being FOR things like peace, happiness and abundance, we are AGAINST things like war, hatred and poverty.  Rather than focus on enhancing the good and positive, we generally focus on trying to stomp out the negative.  This is unsurprisingly counterproductive.

Forgetting the things we have to forgive ourselves for falls into this notion.  It is hard enough to say to yourself “Ok, self, I know I wronged you, and I am sorry, I forgive you.”  But harder still is once you have forgiven yourself, not just forgetting it ever happened.  “You are forgiven, just forget about it and move on” seems really easy.  And it is.  But if you forgive and proceed to forget, chances are, you have not learned something you needed to learn.

Yes, I maintain that life is all about learning.  There is something new and exciting to be learned every single day.  And an experience where you wind up needing to forgive yourself is very much a part of this.  Let’s be perfectly honest here – not everything we learn is going to be positive.  Sometimes we are going to learn how NOT to do things, we are going to learn how things DO NOT work, and we are going to learn ways NOT to be.  This can be as important as learning good things, because life is all about paradox and duality.

Some things we need to forgive ourselves for are minor.  From simple misunderstandings to misperceptions to mistakes and accidents which we may have little control over, to far grander errors like poorly chosen partnerships, relationships, or avoidable mistakes and accidents we had total control over – size matters not.  But when we forgive and forget, the process of erasing the error and acting as if it never happened, to all intents and purposes forgetting it, we are much more likely to repeat it.

I also believe that not only might we repeat our transgressions requiring us to forgive ourselves, but the severity and size can grow if we have forgotten along the way how we have gotten to the place requiring forgiveness.

I was asked after last week’s post, “Forgetting is the harder part. There are so many nights I lie awake and cycle through past infractions and problems. How do you make yourself forget and go on?”  You can’t make yourself forget.  But what you can do is forgive yourself, take whatever lesson was learned from those infractions and problems, and move on. This is one of the hardest things to do, because forgiving ourselves is hard enough, but the desire to forget what we must forgive actually is a mask.  It’s a trap.  You see, if you DO manage to forget the past issues, there is a very high probability that you have not, in fact, forgiven yourself for them.

Forgetting is easy.  And the whole notion of erasing something that makes us feel awful, that makes us most unable to forgive ourselves seems like such the easy answer.  Go watch the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and see how well putting this idea of erasing unwanted memories works out for everyone involved.  Though a work of fiction, I believe this is very telling of the nature of how forgetting, instead of forgiving, cannot make amends.

Because when all is said and done, isn’t that the point?  We need to forgive others to “patch things up” or “apologize” or “make amends”.  It is equally if not more important to do these things with and for yourself.  Because ultimately, if you are unable to forgive yourself, and you are focused instead on forgetting, then you cannot find the path you are seeking to walk.

I don’t care if we know one another in real life, or you have come across these words in a random search on the web.  What I am about to tell you us completely, totally, and absolutely true.  You deserve to be happy.  You are an exceptional, outstanding, incredible person.  You deserve to love and be loved.  The ultimate judge of the worthiness of your life is you – but I believe you are worthwhile.  You are awesome.

Don’t forget the mistakes and improprieties of your past – FORGIVE YOURSELF.  EVERYBODY makes mistakes.  Not everyone owns up to them.  Allow yourself your infractions and problems, but don’t forget them – forgive them.  Stop judging yourself so harshly, and learn from the past – reflect, accept and ultimately forgive.  But don’t try the escape pod of forgetting.  This is ultimately an avoidance of forgiving.

Do you know why forgiving is more important than forgetting?


This is the seventieth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.

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