The Ramblings of the Titanium Don

Explorations of Conscious Reality Creation and Other Matters

Month: February 2013

Pathwalking 61

Thus far, in exploring the “six core human necessities”, we have examined the needs for  certainty, uncertainty, significance, growth, and contribution.

These core human needs, as mentioned prior, are borrowed from Tony Robbins, but all tie into Pathwalking rather well.  So far, we have taken a look at those that are almost entirely from within.  Now, I want to examine the one that must ALSO be about the world outside of us.  I am talking about, of course, love and connection.

Let’s begin with a VERY important fact – love must begin from WITHIN.  It is almost impossible to love others if you do not love yourself.

No matter whom you study, no matter what religion/philosophy/ideal you subscribe to – all of them tell you that it is essential you love yourself.  And not in a selfish, egotistical manner – but in a healthy, self-aware manner.

It took me a long time to learn to love myself.  I, like many other people, was a champion of punishing myself for my mistakes, holding on to my errors, and believing myself to be unworthy of love.  I have, after long years of research, study, and growth, come to love myself, despite perceived imperfections.

Certainly I still find flaws along the way.  There are things about myself I am less fond of than others – but I am always at work to fix these, and improve them.  Part of why I have been bringing you along on my Pathwalk is in order to do just that.

Love is the most powerful emotion you can pass outward.  It is a completely positive, completely good emotion.  Yes, it can take an incredible number of different forms, but no matter which you ascribe to, it is a good thing.

I am sure some people will argue that love is NOT always a good thing.  The problem is a lot of people mistake other things for love.  Obsession, lust, infatuation for example.  These are not love – love in its many forms is not possessive, it is expansive.

Once we learn to love ourselves, it becomes easier to give love to others.  Once again, this takes on a multitude of forms – platonic, romantic, and I would argue for what I will call universal.

Universal love is when you give love freely to anyone and everyone you meet.  This does not mean free hugs, kisses and sex acts to anyone you meet – this is holding a door open, offering change to the person in front of you in line at Starbucks, giving a granola bar to a homeless person on the street.  Yes, random acts of kindness fall into what I am calling here universal love.  This serves as an example of how love should be shared outside of the self.

Connection, the other half of this core human need, also begins within.  I have regularly said that the head and the heart speak utterly different languages – and more often than not conflict with one another.   Bridging the connection between the head (analysis and logic) and the heart (emotion and spontaneity) is how we chart our course, find and walk our path.  It is making this connection that is the difference between indecisively taking life as it happens and choosing life how you want it.

Once we are able to make the connection within, like love, we can make connections without.  We connect with people every day, in so many different ways.  Family, friends, lovers, random people we encounter on the street.  How we connect with each is a different matter, but making connection is necessary.

When you pass a random person on the street, how does it make you feel when they look at you with disdain?  Or if they go seemingly out-of-their-way to ignore your presence?  Because we NEED connection, it will have an effect on us.  As such, it matters how WE are towards the random people we encounter.  Do you smile at a stranger?  Nod and/or wave as you pass them by?  Do you avoid unfamiliar people?

And while having love of the self, and connection for the self are important – both of these NEED to also be without.  We need to give love to others, and we need to connect with others.  Keeping these to ourselves is insufficient to provide us with what we need to be happy.  As such, not making connections and giving love will prevent us from walking our path.

Pathwalking, I could argue, is love.  Pathwalking is choosing to love yourself, to love your choices, and to go into the world and be happy.  Because ultimately, happiness is not measured by things as much as it is measured by emotion – and the most powerful emotion there is is love.

We have now explored how everyone needs certainty, uncertainty, significance, growth and contribution from within, and love and connection from both within and without to be satisfied in our choice of path to walk.  As such, these core needs allow us to be satisfied and ultimately happy with our life.

A special thank you to Tony Robbins for sharing these core beliefs with the world.  I hope he will not mind my using them to further explore the underlying philosophy of Pathwalking.

How do you show your love?  How do you connect with the people both in and outside of your life?

 

This is the sixty-first entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.

Pathwalking 60

Following my last couple of posts, I want to continue to examine the “six core human necessities”.  As suggested by Tony Robbins, these are certainty, uncertainty, significance, love and connection, growth, and contribution.

Let’s take a closer look at significance (the need for feeling wanted and worthy), growth and contribution.  All of these come from within, and are core to everything we need in order to walk the paths of our choosing.

Significance in particular is tricky.  Why?  Because often in order to feel significant, we turn to without.  It is a need to feel significant that causes us to seek validation that the things we are doing are worthwhile; it is that need to feel significant that causes us to accept judgment from other people we might not normally accept.

But as with most things we need for our life, the important part of significance comes from within.  It is up to me to FEEL significant.  I have to choose if the validation or lack from others or the judgment or lack from others will have an effect on me or no.

So who decides whether or not I am significant?  Who decides if my contributions to this world are significant or not?  That would, of course, be me.  Contrary to what religious leaders tell us, we are not weighed and measured by a “higher power” so much as we are our own worst critics.  We choose to feel insignificant.  Or in some instances, we choose to allow a feeling of insignificance dominate us.

Pathwalking is about choosing your own path.  As such, clearly making this choice should give you a sense of significance.  I choose this path of my own free will – and that feels right.  It feels good.  I am worthy of this path – and I feel wanted and worthy because I have chosen for myself.  Significance.

Which leads to growth.  Choosing to walk the path is all about growth.  As you walk the path, with all its twists and turns and bumps and shifts and changes, you grow.  I could easily argue that Pathwalking is actually about choosing to grow and change and develop ourselves as human beings.

Growth is probably the easiest thing to measure from within.  I know best how I am growing emotionally, intellectually, physically.  I know best what I am learning to enhance my growth as a person.  And Pathwalking is very very much a part of that.  Walking my own path is certainly a choice for growth.

And thus we reach contribution.  One could argue that this is solely judged from without, and does not come from within.  But as these are core needs of human beings, it boils down to feelings.  And the question is, do I feel as though I am contributing to the world?

Contribution means different things to different people.  For some it manifests as physical acts – making a donation to a charity here, dropping a coin in a cup there, volunteering at this place or that.  For some it takes on a more esoteric bend – having a child, building a business, running for office.  Some contribute by inventing new technologies, designing new buildings, cars and the like.  For others, it takes on an even more unusual turn – like blogging and public journaling and writing and teaching.

For many it’s a combination of all or some of these.  I, for example, volunteer my time in a couple different ways, work with a business to help it grow, teach medieval fencing, and I write and blog, too.  In these ways I contribute to the world around me.

For some the contributions are small and personal.  What we contribute might have an effect on our friends and family, and that is enough.  For some, though, it is much grander, like inventors making things to better our lives, or politicians running for office.

Why is this a core necessity?  Because we feel a need to leave our mark, so to speak.  Even if you are not a student of history, I have no doubt there are historic figures, places, and events you can name off the top of your head.  I have yet to meet someone who does not have at least SOME desire to be remembered by future generations – and it is through our contributions we believe that this is most likely to happen.

Unlike the paradox of certainty and uncertainty, significance, growth and contribution go hand in hand in hand.  A feeling of significance will lead to education and growth which in turn will lead to greater contribution from a person who feels so complete.  And all of this utterly lines up with why we choose Pathwalking.

Pathwalking is choosing how to live your own life.  It is about finding and making your way in this world.  And the more I work with this philosophy, the more I see how these six core human needs align with it rather perfectly.  Pathwalking is a means to meet those core needs, and to control our life’s choices.

Do you feel significant?  What do you do for your personal growth?  How do you contribute to the world around you?

 

This is the sixtieth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.

Taking a stand

No offense, ladies, but this is a letter specifically to the rest of the members of my gender (but feel free to read on).

Gentlemen,

We need to take a stand.  It is time to stop letting a minority make the rest of us look like fools and idiots.  It is time to be heard.

I am writing about these men who are working so hard to limit the rights of women.  I am talking about these crazy politicians and religious leaders speaking out demanding that women be held to a different standard than men.  I am addressing the newsmakers who are waging a war on equality, on which we can no longer remain silent.

I believe that we men who support the equality of women are in the majority.  I think there are far more of us who believe women should not have to put out any extra effort to live the lives they would choose than us.

Gentlemen, we can no longer remain silent.  We must speak up.  We must express our support for our equal partners in this world, and we must demand that the attacks on them and their gender cease.  There should be no need for new suffragist movements – this was achieved almost a hundred years ago.  Why has this issue in the past decade or so come back up?

We must become vocal about our support.  It is time to stand up to the religious leaders and politicians and address these issues:

  • A woman should have complete and total control and access to reproductive health.  Viagra and Cialis don’t require embarrassing, unnecessary tests or lectures, why on earth might birth control and other reproductive choices?  We must take a stand and demand these absolutely sexist, unfair rules and practices come to an end.
  • A woman should not have to fight to earn equal pay to a male counterpart.  This is obscene, and should not be an issue.
  • A woman who is a victim of rape should receive aid and assistance, not scorn and blame.  Any law passed taking away a woman’s rights when she has been raped should be stood up against and repealed, and we need to demand this.  A rape victim should not have to prove they did all they could to avoid being raped, the rapist should be the one to have their culpability disproven.  That this is even an issue should embarrass us, gentlemen.
  • Women should not have to answer to a different standard than men.  It is time to get over ourselves, gentlemen, on the subject of nudity.  Men can walk around topless, a woman should be able to expose herself at will if she so desires.  The inequality in the decency standard needs to go away.  And certainly there should be no law punishing a woman for an act that a man can get away with on the basis of gender alone.

Gentlemen, we have been silent on these topics for too long.  This minority keeping these asinine positions alive in the 21st Century must not be allowed to continue, unanswered, unchecked.  We need to stand up against them, and support our equal partners.

I am speaking up.  I will not be silent on these issues, I support the equality of our genders.  Gentlemen, please stand with me, and let’s make our voices be heard!

Pathwalking 59

Though a paradox, it is postulated that we all need certainty and uncertainty in our lives.

Following my last post, I want to further examine the “six core human necessities”.  As suggested by Tony Robbins, we all need certainty, uncertainty, significance, love and connection, growth, and contribution.  I agree with this notion, and believe that it ties into Pathwalking rather well.

Certainty and uncertainty are respectively the need for stability/security and the need for variety.  The problem with this, of course, is that they are opposite one another in many respects.  Thus – a paradox.

I keep referring over the past couple weeks to paradox.  Just in case you are unfamiliar with the term, let’s visit dictionary.com.

par·a·dox  [par-uh-doks]

noun

1. a statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality  expresses a possible truth.

2. a self-contradictory and false proposition.

3. any person, thing, or situation exhibiting an apparently contradictory nature.

4. an opinion or statement contrary to commonly accepted opinion.

Life, as I have said before, is full of paradox.  We strive to find truths that often meet the first definition above.  And suggesting the need for both certainty and uncertainty is a part of that.

Let’s take a closer look at this, and how it figures into our core.  Certainty, the need for stability and security in many ways might seem opposite to Pathwalking.  In many ways, walking your own Path is anything BUT stable.  At least, from a certain point of view.  It might look unusual, and against the norm.

However, I would postulate, Pathwalking is in part about FINDING security.  Sure, I can do as I am ‘expected’ to do, work the 9 to 5 job, have a hobby like golf instead of medieval fencing, marry and produce children.  But if that is not me, if that is not conducive to the path I wish to walk, how will that provide ME with stability and security?

I want to make the choice for my destiny.  I want to find the balance that will let me walk the path of my choosing, and allow me to live the life I WANT to live.  Maybe, to those not inside my head, this looks like it lacks in stability…but truth is, if I am certain about my path, and choosing to walk my path – I have achieved certainty, haven’t I?

And then there is uncertainty.  The need for variety.  Stability and variety aren’t exactly opposites, but they don’t seem like concepts that work together.  Variety implies change, instability, and the unexpected – where stability is about the expected.  Stability is knowing how and why, where uncertainty tells you it is not sure of these things.

Pathwalking, however, is equally about uncertainty as it is about certainty.  How many times have I previously made reference to the fact that the path is not straight, not singular, not without bumps along the road?  When you choose Pathwalking, yes you choose to be certain of your choice of path and the expected outcome…but you still are forced to accept that you may not reach the intended destination.

And even if you do get to where you aim to land, the path may not get you there in the manner expected of it.  Even as you walk along the path with confidence, and a feeling of certainty, an unexpected branch may turn up, or you may be enticed to shift gears and take a whole other means to the end.

But this is all part of what we need for our lives.  And this is a perfect example of how it works, and works well.  Life is going to change.  That is unavoidable.  And with change, your certainty will turn to uncertainty.

Both are necessary.  Life is an adventure, and while there are necessary moments of stability, equally necessary are those moments of variety and excitement.  It keeps us on our toes, it keeps life interesting.  It makes us grow, it makes us learn.

Pathwalking is choice.  Knowing that consciousness creates reality, we are choosing a path for ourselves, and with that choosing certainty and accepting and even embracing uncertainty.  It is that knowledge that helps us see all possible paths before us.

What knowledge are you secure in?  What unexpected things have led to wonderful experiences?

 

This is the fifty-ninth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.

Pathwalking 58

I want to share some guidance I have received as I have been walking my own path.

Whether you consider him a visionary or a shyster, Tony Robbins has been an influential figure in the lives of a great many people over the last couple decades.  While I do not necessarily agree with everything he presents, he does more often than not seem to me to share my philosophy.  Consciousness creates reality: The core of Pathwalking.

One thing Tony Robbins talks about is what he calls the “six core human necessities”, and I find I am in agreement with this idea.  He postulates that we all need certainty, uncertainty, significance, love and connection, growth, and contribution.  Note that there are paradoxes in these core needs.

Yes, more paradoxes.  But if you’ve not realized it by now, life is all about the paradoxical.

For the most part, I have discussed here that Pathwalking is a lone process.  Your path is for you alone, and while others may be along it from time to time, we all walk our own individual path.  What works for me, may not work for you, and vice versa.

But I have begun now to explore where we do need to look without, and not just within, to walk the path of our choosing.  Like all things in life, balance and moderation are necessary.

While certainty (the need for security), uncertainty (the need for variety), significance (the need for feeling wanted and worthy), growth and contribution can come from within, love and connection needs to have an outside element.

Everything in life is an “inside job”.  It is imperative that I know who I am, learn what I want, and get to know MYSELF to do anything or go anywhere I would choose to in this life.  Feelings come from within, and since feelings are the root of even thought, everything begins inside.

So this is why certainty, uncertainty, significance and growth and contribution wholly must be faced from the inside.  Yes, outside influence will effect these in many ways from time to time, but ultimately I choose these feelings and what to do with them.

But love and connection reaches outside.  You can connect with yourself all you want, but as mentioned before, as social animals, we NEED to make connections outside of ourselves.

Reaching out to make connections, like everything else, starts within.  We connect our own heart and mind, and from there we can make connections outside.  We stretch out with our hearts and minds to find connections in the world at large.  This takes all sorts of forms, both simple and complex.  But it is this process that we must perform in order to be all that we want to be.

As mentioned many times prior, we have to love ourselves first.  But love is meant to be shared, and for that, we need other people in our lives.  Love of course takes on all kinds of forms, platonic, romantic, and uncountable shades between these variables.  Love is the key to happiness, love is the root of most of what makes the world go round.  I have argued before that love is an immense part of what makes life worth living.

Problem is, love is scary.  Because love does not just have one opposite, it actually has many.  Rejection, hatred, fear, anger, indifference, disdain, misery…these are just a small sampling of love’s opposites.  Arguably, almost any negative thought or emotion is the opposite of love.  And sometimes attempting to put out love draws these reactions.  That can be horrifying.  It is for this reason that many people avoid love.

But if you avoid love from without, it becomes unbelievably easy to avoid loving yourself, too.  And when you do not love yourself, it becomes neigh on impossible to accomplish…frankly, much of anything.

Remember – love is abundant.  It can be found everywhere.  Do not fear love, embrace it (literally and metaphorically).  Letting in love will make Pathwalking a more appealing and easier task.

Six core necessities for every human being.  Can it possibly be that simple?

I believe that EVERYBODY needs certainty, uncertainty, significance, love and connection, growth, and contribution.  I will explore each of these more in depth with their part in Pathwalking over the next several weeks.  I think that they are the teeth of the key to Pathwalking, and deserve further investigation.

Do these six needs resonate with you?

 

This is the fifty-eighth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.

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