The ramblings of a Titanium Don

Pathwalking is about choosing our own fate, our own destiny, and walking a path to reach a goal we desire.

I would argue that while the goal of pathwalking is important, it is the journey that is of greater importance.

One of the main reasons why the journey is more important than the goal is simply because the goal itself is seldom static.  It might grow, it might change, it might shift entirely.  As you walk the path you may find that during a respite, you came across something unexpected that not only shifts the end goal, but aspects of the journey itself.

And that, really, is the larger truth of this concept.  Just choosing to seek your own is a reward unto itself.  Because what you will find as you walk the path is not just the unexpected, the alternative paths, the goals, happiness and contentment – what you will discover is in many respects the ultimate quest everyone faces.

You will find yourself.

How many people really know themselves?  How many people are amalgams of the person outsiders influence them into being?

So many forces within and without influence us.  And while it may seem crazy, often these forces cause us to lose our true selves.  We become the son our parents expect us to be, the clown the group turns to for comic relief, the cubicle-occupying employee getting the job done…and the self, repressed by these expectations, gets shunted to a corner, or misplaced entirely.

Choosing and walking your own path is a key way to truly find, know, and ultimately love yourself.  And that is why I share this concept.  Because I firmly believe that if more people really knew themselves, really loved themselves, the world would be a better place for everyone.

Imagine if the sway of fast-talking politicians, religious zealots, false prophets and pundits lost its power…because people did more thinking for themselves?  What if instead of turning to these outside influences, we looked within for answers?

A wise man named John Lennon sang, “Imagine there’s no countries, It isn’t hard to do; Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too; Imagine all the people living life in peace.  You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.  I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will live as one.”

People are often referred to as sheep.  Easily herded, easily moved and influenced.  And let’s be honest – it’s REALLY easy to be a sheep.  You don’t have to do much, you don’t have to think all that hard, you just go with the wind, go with the flow.  But how many people who live in this manner are truly content?  How many know who they are, and what they want?

Important fact – THIS IS NOT EASY.  All the previous Pathwalking posts touch on the complexity of this concept.  Obstacles, fears, concerns, questions, outside and inside influences…there are so many things that factor into this idea.  But then, I have long maintained that nothing worth having is ever easy.

En route to the goal, there are so many things that can crop up in the journey, which may change not just the goal, but you as a person.  You might meet someone who shows you something you didn’t know; you might read something that changes your plans; you might fall in love; you might learn that a friend is not true; you might see something mundane and everyday in an utterly different light, and be inspired.   The point is – if you ignore the journey, even if you manage to reach your goal, it may be hollow and unsatisfying.

I am pathwalking in order to be true to myself, to discover new things about myself and the world around me, and to see what exciting opportunities the journey will present to me.  Certainly I have goals…more than one, in fact.  But I want to enjoy all the wonder that this journey has to offer me.

Ambitious?  Maybe.  Hokey?  Possibly.  But this is what I believe.  The opportunities represented by choosing to walk your own path are not something I can or will ignore.  I am learning who I am.

Do you know who YOU are?

This is the twenty-first entry in my series.  These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.  Thank you for joining me.

Sometimes this walking-your-own-path stuff can be tiring.  You get footsore, like with any long walk or hike; and that’s a perfectly normal thing.  When it comes to pathwalking, it may be yet another opportunity.

One aspect of Pathwalking is the goal at the end.  But equally, if not more important, is what you encounter on the journey itself.  When the journey makes you footsore, that doesn’t mean in any way you abandon the path.  You just pause.

When I go for a hike, I seldom do so with any actual goal in mind.  Sure, maybe at the end of the path there is a waterfall or a lake or some other natural beauty.  But the purpose of the hike is to experience all that the path has to offer.

While hiking, I usually take my camera.  I often find that along the path, something will catch my eye.  A leaf, an odd-shaped tree trunk, the light reflecting off a stream…and I need to capture it.  Sometimes that causes a new thought I was not seeking.  A world evolves before my mind’s eye, a city from a story I was writing comes into focus.  The light reflecting off that stream has made me recall an idea I had years ago, but never saw through.

When you trek through the woods, or up a mountain trail, there aren’t benches to sit on when you become footsore.  You choose a downed tree, a boulder, a patch of grass, or some other similar spot where you can sit.  And that place you choose will be filled with the sounds, the smells, and the sights native to it.

When you decide to continue your hike, the pause may have caused you to change the direction you were going.  You find the need to ford a stream you hadn’t planned to cross because something on the other side caught your eye, or to head down that other trail because the song of an unfamiliar bird has piqued your curiosity…or you may even choose to go back the way you came.  You have not finished taking the path, but how you continue it has been changed.

This concept of pathwalking is similar.  Certainly, there is a goal or goals the path leads to.  But as previously stated, the path is not singular…and neither is the goal.  Sometimes when you pause to rest your feet along the journey, you may encounter the unexpected.

Several years ago, I started a business.  The intent of that business was broad, unfocused, and, as such, pretty close to unattainable.  It remained in existence, but rudderless.

As I began to actually walk a path of my own choosing, the business came back into focus for me.  I had a number of unexpected experiences that redirected the intent, brought it into focus.  And now I am doing it.

How I got onto this path was convoluted.  It was a lot of twists and turns, unexpected encounters, false starts.  I stood a long time at the crossroads between all possible paths, and for a very long time, just spun around and chose nothing.

Then I began creating these Pathwalking posts, sharing this concept with anyone who might seek, as I do, a life less ordinary.  When presented with a possible crisis, I chose instead to see it for the opportunity that it was.  I decided it was not enough to just share this idea…I had to put it to use.

Along the journey things have popped up I did not expect.  People have come across my path who represent unplanned opportunities.  And as I walk the path, I am often shown incredible things I would most likely never have noticed before.

There is risk.  There is uncertainty.  And there are days I am footsore, and when I stop to rest I question why I am doing this.  But taking this chance, and walking a path I would choose of my own has made me feel happier, more content, and more in-tune with the forces of the Universe than I have felt in a very long time.

This is exciting.  This is unusual.  This is allowing me to discover so very many things I likely never would have if I had not chosen to heed my own idea, and start pathwalking.  It is a work in progress, there are still good days and bad.  But the journey has become tremendously exciting.

Does your journey excite you, too?

This is the twentieth entry in my series.  These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.  Thank you for joining me.

Pathwalking is not easy.  In especial when the path you choose is not “the norm”.  There will be resistance from multiple sources.

I have long believed that we are not simply here to follow rote routines.  Life is so very much more than get out of bed, go to work, come home, have dinner, watch TV, go to bed, repeat.  Yes, we all need to be able to make money to pay for the essentials, let alone the toys we love.  But if you are spending half or more of your waking hours in a space where you are unhappy, is that really LIVING?

If you are fortunate enough to have a job you love, then you are walking your path.  But if the conventional is not how you live – a “normal” nine-to-five job, keeping regular hours and routines and such – this presents more of a challenge.  It will not be easy. I have always said, though, that nothing worth having is ever easy.

There will be resistance.  But without resistance, you cannot gain traction.  And that resistance will come from two very distinct and separate sources.

Resistance from Without.  Your friends might think you are nuts.  Your family might think you are being foolish.  How can you make ends meet doing that?  Why are you risking so much?  How can you make such a foolish choice when so many things are uncertain in the economy, politics, etc?  Don’t you think you should just find a normal job?

Resistance from Within.  You will have doubts.  You will question if you are, in fact, being foolish.  Isn’t this risky?  Should I really not be holding a regular day job?  Am I working towards nothing real?  Is the reward worth the risk?  Am I alienating friends and family for my own vanity?

No one who ever did anything worthwhile heeded this resistance.  Businesses have been launched from garages to achieve surreal levels of success, inventions have been created that we all use every day, ideas have been formulated that change the nature of how we perceive ourselves.  These people walked their own paths – Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs…and look at how all that they did shaped our world.

But without that resistance, what do you have to push against for traction?  Knowing, believing, and feeling your desire is all well and good – but sometimes it is that very resistance that pushes you into action.

You don’t believe I can do this?  Well, I KNOW I can.  So guess what?  Here I go!

Sometimes this is about small things.  Sometimes, these are the very things that make our life happen.  But when you know the path you want to choose, when you choose to walk it, there is likely to be resistance.  And that is not a bad thing.

Every week I post these, I reinforce my own desire to walk my path.  Recently, I have been faced with a couple different situations that really made this more than just words – I was faced with an opportunity to really, truly, walk my path.  There is resistance, within and without, but I know that I have chosen the right course.

How do I know this?  Because I have not felt this content, this certain of myself in a long time.  Of course there are moments of doubt, of course there are fearful moments where I wonder if I am making the right choices…but then I pause, take stock of my situation, and KNOW I am on my path.  I know that like the action I took in placing these here every week, DOING this will lead me where I truly wish to go.

Not easy.  But the journey, the day to day, has become FAR more interesting, much more inspiring.  I can see that the reward, ultimately, will be worth it.

Choosing to walk your own path can be frightening.  But it can also be exciting, liberating, and fulfilling.  I know who and what I want to be.  Do you?

This is the nineteenth entry in my series.  These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way.  Thank you for joining me.

When fear interferes with your attempt at Pathwalking, how do you overcome it?

This is a really difficult question.  Fear, an intangible, never quite feels the same.  Different fears produce different reactions.  But I believe it can still be overcome by any number of processes.

The first step is to analyze it.  What am I fearing?  Why am I fearing it?  Is my fear warranted, or nothing but a visceral reaction?  What should I do about the fear?  Can this fear be ignored, disregarded, or does it need to be heeded?

The next step is to apply some logic and reason.  What is the root of the fear?  Is this really something I should be fearful of, or should I work to disregard it?  Rational or irrational?  Is the thing I am afraid of really the origin of my fear, or is it something else?  Do I fight, or do I flee?

I’ve analyzed it, I’ve applied logic and reason to it, so the next step is – what do I do about it?  Fight it, give in to it, or flee from it?  Not an easy question.  And, unsurprisingly, not easy to answer.

This is a particularly raw topic for me.  I have been asking exactly this question for some time now.  And it has recently been REALLY driven home for me.  I am writing these pathwalking entries to help others with this idea, and also to help guide myself in the process.  It is hard to walk the walk as much as I can talk the talk (or, as the case is here, write the thought).

From my own experience, most of my fear comes from a fear of failure, a fear of success, and a fear of rejection (and, tagged onto the rejection, abandonment).  These are utterly intangible fears, and overcoming them requires a combination of leaps of faith, distractions from the fear, and assertion over the fear that logic is correct.  I have to fight back against the fear.

Yes, of course, fear is a natural human mechanism to help us be safe.  But there is a large difference between tangible things to be afraid of (like wild animals threatening to attack you in the jungle), and the intangible things like failure and success.  The former is a something we need to be mindful of, while the latter is a completely invisible entity.

And yet it is the intangible that most of us are going to face today.  It is the invisible boogey-men that make the heart palpitate, the palms sweat, and that gives you that sad, debilitating pit-of-your-stomach-dropping-out sensation.  It is one of the most overwhelming sensations you can feel.

Again, there are really three options for dealing with this (ever notice how so very many things in life are in threes?)  Each of these options has certain pros and cons to it, but really only one will truly bring satisfaction:

Give in.  Sure, let that fear paralyze you.  Let the fear overwhelm you, drive you to your bed in your cave under the covers, hiding from everyone and everything.  Of course, if you make this choice, you will always be a victim of your fear, and there will be no other response to it available to you.  This becomes a vicious circle.

Flee.  Run away.  Find all the distractions you can to avoid the fear.  Do whatever it takes to drive the fear away.  The trouble with this, though, is that while you might escape for a time, you will have to confront and deal with the fear eventually.  This can work, but it is fraught with uncertainty, and can lead to being overwhelmed, and giving in.  A continuation of the previous vicious circle.

Fight.  Face your fear.  As the Litany against Fear from Frank Herbert’s Dune says, “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”  Confront the fear, overcome the fear, and then you can move forward.  This alone is the one way to truly take control, and not have the obstacle of fear dissuade you from your path.

Brave words.  Easy to read, easy to consider…not so easy to practice.  I want to walk my own path, and I will not let my fears stand in my way.  I am worthy of the challenges, of success, and I WILL NOT FAIL.  This is the key.  This is MY means to fight the fear.

Practice makes perfect.

This is the eighteenth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.

Probably the single greatest obstacle to Pathwalking is fear.

FDR famously said “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”  Yoda stated that, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”  And in Dune, Frank Herbert gave us the Litany against Fear: “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

When it comes to walking one’s path, in all likelihood the single greatest obstacle is fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of the reaction of others.  Fear of ridicule.  Fear of failure.  Fear of success.

We are constantly presented with choices.  Every action and inaction on our part will have an effect on our life.  Some of these choices are simple – wear the blue pants or the black?  Button-down or polo shirt?  Chinese or a deli sandwich for lunch?  Some choices are more complicated – this job, or that?  Do I go on the date?  Do I drive down that unfamiliar road?

The simpler and less far-reaching the decision, the less concern making a choice will generate.  But for really big decisions – buying a house, proposing marriage, taking a new job – there is a palpable fear.  And that fear can be so overwhelming, we choose either not to act, or we let the fear choose our path for us.

I am a victim of this problem.  (And by victim, I mean of my own making).  I sometimes have stood before a choice, and when faced with the options before me, either made no choice – or chose the familiar, and went on letting my life live me, and took no risk.  Rather than take the chance and see what new challenge might be before me, I cowered in the familiar, and allowed life to just happen around me.

I didn’t really do everything that was necessary for me to pursue a career related to my college experience because I preferred the less risky, more comfortable stability of the friendships I had built.  Rather than go to NYC and attempt to immerse myself in theatre; or Podunk, Iowa to take a radio DJ job, I chose to remain in my comfort zone, close to friends – even though this presented me no career opportunities.

I also chose to take comfort in those friendships, and the nest I would build myself, and took no major risks that might upset my place in that world.  I stagnated…and continued to move forward as the universe paced me.  Life was living me.

Then one day my life was forever changed (see Pathwalking 8 for the story).  And for the first time, I well and truly chose to take control, in order to recover as I felt I must.  I accepted no limitations, no possibility of failure, no fear.  And for the first time since leaving high school, I walked a path I was choosing.

Years have passed since that time.  And I have flirted with this process.  Sometimes I am the ultimate champion of walking my path.  But all too often, I am in need of all the things I have written about in this pathwalking series.

Why?  The primary issue, the main distraction, the premier obstacle has been FEAR.

I am not afraid of much, on the surface.  When it comes to tangibles, I am fearless.  But what I do fear are tremendous intangibles: failure, success, abandonment, ridicule, disappointment, love, loathing, loneliness.  I fear both feeling and not feeling emotions.  I fear disappointing both myself and those I care about.

There, I’ve said it.  My own primary obstacle to this whole concept of Pathwalking is fear.  Despite all I have known, all I continue to learn and experience, I am in a constant struggle to overcome and silence my intangible fears.

How do I overcome the fear?  That is the question.  Identifying the fear is the first step in overcoming it.  The challenge after that is to deal with it, move past it, and overcome it.  And that will be the next Pathwalking topic.

What do YOU fear?

This is the seventeenth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.

Do I deserve to be happy?

Have I earned the right to walk my own path?  Am I good enough, smart enough, wise enough, deserving enough to be one of those people who can choose and walk their own path?

Yes.  Yes I am.  And Yes, you are, too.

One of the biggest problems with seeking, finding, and walking your own path is exactly this.  Am I deserving of having this choice?

There are a lot of factors, a lot of influences, a lot of established systems which we find we have and/or need to provide validation.  And given those, one of the hardest questions we face, and ask, is simply: Am I Deserving?

We are taught that if we “do good”, follow the “golden rule”, act ethically and morally, we deserve to receive our desires.  But we are also taught that we have to “behave”, act accordingly, and meet certain expectations in order to “deserve” things.

Problem is – who’s expectations are we meeting?  Who determines whether we “deserve” something or no?  Is it up to mom and dad, unseen Powers-that-be, God?

The answer is, really, it is up to ME.  It is up to ME to find my own happiness.  And it is up to YOU to find yours, too.  And YES, without a doubt, we deserve to be happy!

Paying a visit to Dictionary.com, we find the following:

de·serv·ing.

verb (used with object)

1. to merit, be qualified for, or have a claim to (reward, assistance, punishment, etc.) because of actions, qualities, or situation: to deserve exile; to deserve charity; a theory that deserves consideration.

verb (used without object)

2. to be worthy of, qualified for, or have a claim to reward, punishment, recompense, etc.: to reward him as he deserves; an idea deserving of study.

In both of these, this speaks of being worthy of or qualified FOR what one deserves.  And in this case, there is no outside persona you need to prove yourself to, there is no judge to say you are or are not deserving.  This is all about YOU.

There are certain things that EVERYONE is entitled to.  We ALL deserve them.  And I believe that they are universal.

EVERYONE deserves happiness.  Everyone deserves abundance.  Everyone deserves peace.  Everyone deserves prosperity.  Everyone deserves love.  EVERYONE.

I cannot think of a single emotional or logical argument against happiness, abundance, peace, prosperity and love.  These are the things we ALL strive for, they are the greatest desires underlying our every action, I believe.  And we ALL deserve to have them.

This is the point of pathwalking.  To seek and find happiness, abundance, peace, prosperity and love.  The most positive, the most constructive intangibles we can imagine are what we seek from walking the path.  Every day will not be perfect, and we will stumble along the way, get lost, get diverted – but when all is said and done, these are what we most want, at the deepest level of our existence.

And WE DESERVE THEM.  We deserve to have these things.  You and I deserve to not only have these things, we deserve to be able to share them.

Do I deserve to be loved?  Do I deserve to be prosperous? Do I deserve to be at peace?  Do I deserve to live an abundant life?  Do I deserve to be happy?

Absolutely, undoubtedly, resoundingly, YES.  Yes, yes, yes, yes and more yes.

And so do you.  And so does everyone.

We are deserving.

This is the sixteenth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.

It’s a trap!

A lot of people believe that this entire concept – consciousness creating reality, the law of attraction, the power of positive thinking, etcetera – is nothing more than hooky-spooky, crunchy hippy, new-agey bullshit.  They think life happens, you cannot direct it, control it, you can only do your part, do your job, and get on with it.  All this feel-good reality creationism is ludicrous drivel.

This is the easiest trap to fall into.  Especially when you are part of this routine:  Get up, go to work so you can earn money to pay the bills you have to live as you choose.  Do your job, no matter how annoying, demeaning, degrading – you HAVE to work, you HAVE to earn money, or you’re another drain on society.  Go home.  Sleep.  Repeat the cycle tomorrow.

Oh, and while you’re at it, you also need to find a way to establish some sort of social circle(s), an emotional/sexual relationship with someone, create and raise a family, and still exercise, sleep eight hours a night, and eat normal, healthy square meals.  And don’t buck the system, while you’re at it.

We are awake anywhere from twelve to eighteen hours a day, or more.  And we are expected to spend AT LEAST eight of those hours at some sort of job, so that we ‘earn our keep’ and ‘play our part’ as a productive member of society.  Anywhere from two thirds to one quarter of any given day we spend in this cycle.  Is it any wonder we fall into this trap, and find it hard to get out again?

I am not advocating we all quit our jobs, form communes together and spend our days in meditation or combing beaches or singing alleluia or kumbaya.  While that has certain advantages, that’s a trap of a whole different type.  No, what I am advocating here is that we recognize that we can have more from our lives – and we can choose to make more of them.

If I am spending anywhere from one quarter to two thirds of my day in a single place – don’t I deserve to be content, or even happy there?  Don’t I have a right to do something that is of my own choosing?  Is there any reason I can’t both be a ‘productive member of society’ AND walk a path of my own choosing?

Of course not.  I have every right to demand more from my life.  There are more than enough mindless drones trapped in their routine – why should I be?  Why should you be?  And really – why should anyone be?

Some people neglect to take power over their lives because it is scary.  It is full of uncertainty.  Some people just don’t get past the point in childhood where you seek, desire and NEED direction from others (elders, parents, teachers, etc).  So they look to others to make their lives for them – and that, really, is the greatest trap of all.

Parents, teachers, religious leaders, politicians – they are NO DIFFERENT from me and you.  THEY make decisions, they make choices – and while they can provide you with guidance and feedback, ultimately, it is YOUR life, YOUR decisions, YOUR choices.  And while some direction from others can be helpful, it should not be the last word.  Yes, that can be really really easy – but it also denies you control over your own existence.

The next time you seek guidance from without, consider if that guidance empowers you to make your own choices, or robs you of them.  Avoid the trap of letting the ideals, actions and morals of others dictate your life.  Take your power.  Find your happiness.  Walk your own path.

This is hard.  It takes effort.  It will often feel like you are going against the grain, against the current.  But the more we practice, the more we make the effort to walk a path of our own choosing, the easier it becomes.  The effort pays off, and we learn to empower ourselves.

The reward is worth it.  Because the ultimate reward is to be happy.  And don’t we all deserve to be happy with our lives?

This is the fifteenth entry in my series. These weekly posts are specifically about walking along the path of life, and my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Thank you for joining me.